Frustration with the Bug


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Bug has been driving me crazy for a while now. Her grades are always poor. She wants me to tell her I love her all the time. She constantly needs reassurance that tiny achievements are acknowledged. I swear the neediness is driving me nuts. But even worse is the fact that her achievements are not achievements at all.

Bug has a tutor three days a week and she is still failing math and doing poorly in most of her other classes. Every single one of her teachers say she is smart, funny, and a pleasure to have in class. They also say she is unorganized and her grades yoyo because she doesn't put any effort into her work. It is so frustrating because she wants a damn award every time she gets any grade above a D. Half her work gets turned in late and about half of that is because the tutor makes her do it or I hound her about it.

I finally have hit the wall. I told her flat out I am done. We can't make the grades. We can't do the work. Her tutor can't babysit her for life.

We had a parent teacher conference and of course they think it is the ADHD. I explained that we have been arguing with her pediatrician for months about getting her on medications for the ADHD and the anxiety/depression. The pediatrician isn't comfortable prescribing anything. The therapist doesn't write for medications but has recommended in her medical records that she be on them. Round and round we go. Monday she has an appointment with her pediatrician and I made sure to email and speak with her to make it clear she and the therapist needed to talk and get Bug on the appropriate medications. I told her we are open to suggestions but that something has to be done before Bug drowns in her classes. The hubby is taking her and I am going to tell him not to leave without letting me know what medications they put her on. Of course I am in training that day but I don't care if I have to walk out to take the call I wan't to know.

The school wants to not do anything until May when she has had a chance to work out the medication issue. The semester ends in June so no way a May intervention is going to be helpful. The school psychologist wanted to know how Bug was managing to stay on task and I told them the tutor keeps her organized. He wanted to know why I wasn't involved in keeping her on task. I told him flat out that I don't have a good memory and unless I write something down I forget it. My communications with Bug are generally in the car and therefore I can't write them down. Plus she has a story for everything. I can't ever get a straight answer from her about her work. There is always always always some story involved or some drama associated with it. To be honest I get so frustrated trying to figure out the truth and get it done that I have gotten to a point where I just can't deal anymore. He wants me to work with the tutor to become involved in her organization.

Anyone else feel like the school psychologist just dumped the issue back in my lap? The tutor certainly felt that way. Her comments were that the school was basically dumping it back on us. All the school is doing is giving her another planner and having the teachers initial the planner. Of course we are on day 2 of it and she already hasn't got all the initials.


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Skip the pediatrician. Get a referral to child psychiatrist... their job is medications. SOME peds are ok, others are off the wall on the issue, no concept of impact etc.


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Unfortunately with the military docs it's not so easy. We have a lot of Soldiers needing care so the waiting list is long and the pool of pediatric psychologists is shallow. If Monday doesn't work out I will raise heck until we get the psychiatrist referral. Of course it could be May before we get an appointment.


Active Member
Who gave your daughter the ADHD diagnosis? There are pediatricians who will prescribe medications for ADHD, but I know alotmof them won't. It's not really their specialty and would rather a child psychiatrist evaluate the child and go from there. I understand that going in that direction with the military is going to be tough because of the large number of adults who need help desperately. Can you see someone outside of the network?


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I would love to but they have a surplus of doctors here so getting an off post referral is difficult.

She was diagnosed by her pediatrician years ago but she has also seen a therapist and psychiatrist and been diagnosed. The problem is getting in to a psychiatrist off post who takes our insurance and is accepting patients. No easy feet when half the place is military and all the psychiatrists are booked.

The pediatrician put her on concerts 18mg and wants her to take 1 a day for a week then up it to 2. We have a follow up in a months. We shall see.


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Sometimes the Military is like Medicaid in getting anything done quickly. Other times, they go above and beyond, I think it depends what is needed and like you said how many patients ahead. ( gpa was military and I had friends in it) Im so sorry shes struggling, can the teacher help by keeping her after school to do work? My sons teacher is and its helping a little more. Im sorry they are taking so long, all I can suggest is call daily to both the school, psychiatrists and pediatrician to tell them you need an emergency appointment/get on waiting list if appointment opens. What about a neurologist for adhd medications? Thats who my son went through and also for his clonidine.( psychiatric appointment soon for mine) My fingers are crossed things go quick for Bug! Hugs