Hello, Some of you might remember that our 17-year-old son was adopted at birth. A year ago, he was approached on the street by a woman who told him she was married to his birthfather and asked him if he would like to meet him. All this without our knowlege or consent. After my husband and I recovered somewhat from our rage, and we found out that his birthfather had been clean and sober for ten years and was married and successfully supporting his wife and four young children, we settled down to try to support our son's wishes which were to explore a relationship. Both our son's birthparents live in the same town we do and have always known where we were. Our son's birthfather has never been involved in our lives, and there had been no contact up to that point. In fact, when our son was born, he left town and wasn't even there to support our son's birthmother who was left to handle the entire adoption on her own (15 years old at the time...) without a shred of support from him or his family or even her own mother! Our son had never had problems with being adopted up to that point, and we planned to put him in contact with his birthparents, IF HE WISHED, when he was 18. So, the meeting should never have happened the way it did and espeically not at that point in our son's life, and it has caused our son many, many emotional ups and downs over this past year. Yet, as he has seemed to really want to pursue the relationship, as generally unsatisfying as it has been for him (I would describe it as very much love/hate in nature), we've continued to support it. At least some of the reasons for his fascination with his birthfather (beyond the obvious) became clear yesterday when we were told by a reliable source that our son had been smoking marijuana and been allowed to drink beer with his birthfather and wife and his ex-con brother on several occasions over the past year. This INFURIATES us, again for obvious reasons, but also because, right from the start, we made sure his birthfather and his wife understood that our son was having issues with marijuana use and that we were very concered about it. They BOTH told us that they completely undersood and would support us on that issue so we had been feeling generally comfortable about the amount of time our son has chosen to spend with his birthfamily. At the moment, I'm in such a rage over this that I've almost picked up the phone to call our son's PO, our attorney, the police, etc. But, of course, we can't prove anything, so there really wouldn't be much point. My husband pointed out that the situation isn't much different than it is with our son's friends--he's got to be the one to make the choice whether or not he wants to smoke marijuana and/or drink, DESPITE who he happens to be with. But, while the relationship between our son and his birthfather and wife has in no way developed into a parent/child type and is more a buddy/buddy type, they ARE still adults and should be behaving in that manner, ESPECIALLY with someone elses child! And KNOWING he was having problems with substance use which was impacting on his school and every other aspect of his life, the IRRESPONSIBILITY just staggers me! Would you all take any sort of action over this?