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Fustrated!!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 152765" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>Welcome to our board. Your daughter sounds very familiar. M used to destroy his clothes by su-cking on them. (Wish the moderators would let us use that word...)</p><p></p><p>From outside looking in, and with a bit of hindsight, I would say that the reason your daughter is calm and collected after starting a fight with you may be because when you react to her antagonism with fighting back, you have given her just what she expected. She pushed your button and got the exactly what she wanted. Control over your most inner thoughts and feelings. </p><p></p><p>I imagine that if you didn't engage in her fighting, she would go berzerk at first. But, if you could just walk away, not say a word, I don't think it would be long before she scaled back on that tactic a bit.</p><p></p><p>Believe me I know how hard that is. I don't know that I ever mastered it. My husband is <em>really</em> good at it. So much so that I had to tell him to leave the room last night because his silence makes me escalate a discussion to an argument every time. I come off looking like a nut, and he can <em>always</em> honestly say "I wasn't fighting with you. You were the one yelling." </p><p></p><p>Your daughter gets to say "I was the one who calmed down and walked away." It's fighting dirty. Don't let her do it. Put on your i-pod, read the paper, do anything but don't engage in her manipulations.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 152765, member: 99"] Welcome to our board. Your daughter sounds very familiar. M used to destroy his clothes by su-cking on them. (Wish the moderators would let us use that word...) From outside looking in, and with a bit of hindsight, I would say that the reason your daughter is calm and collected after starting a fight with you may be because when you react to her antagonism with fighting back, you have given her just what she expected. She pushed your button and got the exactly what she wanted. Control over your most inner thoughts and feelings. I imagine that if you didn't engage in her fighting, she would go berzerk at first. But, if you could just walk away, not say a word, I don't think it would be long before she scaled back on that tactic a bit. Believe me I know how hard that is. I don't know that I ever mastered it. My husband is [i]really[/i] good at it. So much so that I had to tell him to leave the room last night because his silence makes me escalate a discussion to an argument every time. I come off looking like a nut, and he can [i]always[/i] honestly say "I wasn't fighting with you. You were the one yelling." Your daughter gets to say "I was the one who calmed down and walked away." It's fighting dirty. Don't let her do it. Put on your i-pod, read the paper, do anything but don't engage in her manipulations. [/QUOTE]
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