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Gaslighting
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<blockquote data-quote="Blindsided" data-source="post: 748894" data-attributes="member: 23811"><p>Kay's manipulation is not acceptable. I suggest reading Walking on Eggshells. The author talks about being the sponge (been there done that) and being the mirror (reflecting back what you think you heard). I finally decided I had to set stringent boundaries. That's basically how we detached (this time). After one of my daughter's rants, I decided I had to set boundaries on all future communication, (I had periods where I would talk on the phone, then not, because it always ended horribly, so we went to text and that wasn't any better). My next to last response to her was, If you cannot respond kindly, don't. And, I will no longer respond to mean, nasty texts. On Mother's Day she texted me a simple text, I hope you have a nice Mother's Day. Mind you, my daughter was once a very caring person who always said I was the best mom ever. Now I realize a lot of that, not all, but much, was manipulation, a prelude to ask for money. But, this time, she respected the boundaries (I think since I haven't given any more money for over a year, she now believes what I say.) I simply responded with a thank you for the wishes and for respecting my boundaries and that I love her. I haven't heard again. My therapist has told me that I should not initiate a conversation unless I am prepared to deal with the response and it will never be what I expect, so be prepared, and that it's okay not to respond unless it's for me. He is very right about that. </p><p></p><p>"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." </p><p>Cayla Mills</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Blindsided, post: 748894, member: 23811"] Kay's manipulation is not acceptable. I suggest reading Walking on Eggshells. The author talks about being the sponge (been there done that) and being the mirror (reflecting back what you think you heard). I finally decided I had to set stringent boundaries. That's basically how we detached (this time). After one of my daughter's rants, I decided I had to set boundaries on all future communication, (I had periods where I would talk on the phone, then not, because it always ended horribly, so we went to text and that wasn't any better). My next to last response to her was, If you cannot respond kindly, don't. And, I will no longer respond to mean, nasty texts. On Mother's Day she texted me a simple text, I hope you have a nice Mother's Day. Mind you, my daughter was once a very caring person who always said I was the best mom ever. Now I realize a lot of that, not all, but much, was manipulation, a prelude to ask for money. But, this time, she respected the boundaries (I think since I haven't given any more money for over a year, she now believes what I say.) I simply responded with a thank you for the wishes and for respecting my boundaries and that I love her. I haven't heard again. My therapist has told me that I should not initiate a conversation unless I am prepared to deal with the response and it will never be what I expect, so be prepared, and that it's okay not to respond unless it's for me. He is very right about that. "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." Cayla Mills [/QUOTE]
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