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Substance Abuse
Gave our son an ultamatum
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<blockquote data-quote="exhausted" data-source="post: 548674" data-attributes="member: 11001"><p>I am so sorry, this has got to be frustrating. When kids find that working their parents against each other is effective, they can destroy a marriage. All kids try it-addicts use any manipulation for all it is worth. Counseling is important because you are being jacked around by both of them and this hurts! I wonder if you could get your husband to a 12 step meeting for parents of addicts like Al-anon or FA? He needs to know that what he did was to reinforce the problem-movie, time spent with him, no testing. This is one of the first benefits of these groups-to help us understand that our "helping" just isnt helping at all. In fact, it is harmful sometimes.</p><p></p><p>I dont think you can do anything until you get to the counselor-if you give another agreement and bottomline without follow through-your difficult child will just escalate. You need your husband's help. You need to be close to the same page. My husband is not always right on the same mark as me, but we know now to work together. It also helps us to tag team our daughter who can just suck us dry with her emotional turmoil. That is the beauty of 2 parents working together. It has taken a bunch of counseling and meetings to get to this solid point. You have to remain a strong front together. When they see an entry into manipulation-they will take it and work it to the bone. We still have to be mindful of this and work hard to be united. I hope counseling is soon. ((Hugs)) and hang in there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="exhausted, post: 548674, member: 11001"] I am so sorry, this has got to be frustrating. When kids find that working their parents against each other is effective, they can destroy a marriage. All kids try it-addicts use any manipulation for all it is worth. Counseling is important because you are being jacked around by both of them and this hurts! I wonder if you could get your husband to a 12 step meeting for parents of addicts like Al-anon or FA? He needs to know that what he did was to reinforce the problem-movie, time spent with him, no testing. This is one of the first benefits of these groups-to help us understand that our "helping" just isnt helping at all. In fact, it is harmful sometimes. I dont think you can do anything until you get to the counselor-if you give another agreement and bottomline without follow through-your difficult child will just escalate. You need your husband's help. You need to be close to the same page. My husband is not always right on the same mark as me, but we know now to work together. It also helps us to tag team our daughter who can just suck us dry with her emotional turmoil. That is the beauty of 2 parents working together. It has taken a bunch of counseling and meetings to get to this solid point. You have to remain a strong front together. When they see an entry into manipulation-they will take it and work it to the bone. We still have to be mindful of this and work hard to be united. I hope counseling is soon. ((Hugs)) and hang in there. [/QUOTE]
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Gave our son an ultamatum
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