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Gee, when you allow unlimited access to an obsession
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<blockquote data-quote="LittleDudesMom" data-source="post: 148113" data-attributes="member: 805"><p>Susie,</p><p>I hope you don't mind that I will be playing the tough role on this thread. Reading the above two paragraphs, two things jump out at me that I must say. </p><p> </p><p>First, your statement that you refuse to live with him and that you, Jess and thank you deserve safety is understandable and necessary. However, does the need of the rest of the family for safey preclude or negtate difficult child's need for help? I ask that question because of the 2nd paragraph.</p><p> </p><p>You say that Gpa went around the arrangements (and we know it's not just this time but time and time again). If your son is not being helped there, by two people who have stepped in and taken on a tremendous responsibility, wouldn't it be better for your son in the long run if he were somewhere else?</p><p> </p><p>Is your son really being helped any by living with his gparents? It does not appear to be so. Are you, thank you and Jess better off without him living with you? It appears that is also so. Thus the deliema.</p><p> </p><p>What happens with difficult child if gpa and gma decide tomorrow that is it? Where will he go? Perhaps that needs to be what is invetigated now. Why wait for the emergency to happen before making an emergency plan?</p><p> </p><p>I understand your frustration and your need to keep the rest of the family free from the conflama (love it!). You have had years of dealing with this mess. I'm not sure it is fair to complain and bemoan your parents dealings with difficult child unless you are willing to step and take on the job yourself. </p><p> </p><p>That is obviously not an option. Which other options are there? What state, county or city facilities would he qualify for? And if that goes against what your parents want for their grandson, too bad. You are the parent and YOU are the one who will be dealing with this for a long time to come if something is not changed for this boy now. </p><p> </p><p>Susie, I do not assume to know your pain, years of frustration, or what you go through with difficult child. It just appears that difficult child's life is a merry-go-round. Sure, it's of his own making. But how is he being prepared for the future as he is living now? It appears his whims are being catered to (by gma and gpa) and there is no consistancy in consequences. I think it's a grave disservice to difficult child and the ultimate society-at-large who will have to deal with him when he reaches majority. Our challenging kids have such a tough time with personal responsibility and consequences. How is he going to learn how to handle himself out in the adult world, in just a few short years, if this is not "ground" into him at every turn now? Seems like life with gma and gpa can feel like country club living for him. That distorted view of life doesn't cut it.</p><p> </p><p>I hope that the withholding of that which he covets will help. You don't seem to hold out much confidence in that though. Sending hugs that something gives soon. </p><p> </p><p>Sharon</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LittleDudesMom, post: 148113, member: 805"] Susie, I hope you don't mind that I will be playing the tough role on this thread. Reading the above two paragraphs, two things jump out at me that I must say. First, your statement that you refuse to live with him and that you, Jess and thank you deserve safety is understandable and necessary. However, does the need of the rest of the family for safey preclude or negtate difficult child's need for help? I ask that question because of the 2nd paragraph. You say that Gpa went around the arrangements (and we know it's not just this time but time and time again). If your son is not being helped there, by two people who have stepped in and taken on a tremendous responsibility, wouldn't it be better for your son in the long run if he were somewhere else? Is your son really being helped any by living with his gparents? It does not appear to be so. Are you, thank you and Jess better off without him living with you? It appears that is also so. Thus the deliema. What happens with difficult child if gpa and gma decide tomorrow that is it? Where will he go? Perhaps that needs to be what is invetigated now. Why wait for the emergency to happen before making an emergency plan? I understand your frustration and your need to keep the rest of the family free from the conflama (love it!). You have had years of dealing with this mess. I'm not sure it is fair to complain and bemoan your parents dealings with difficult child unless you are willing to step and take on the job yourself. That is obviously not an option. Which other options are there? What state, county or city facilities would he qualify for? And if that goes against what your parents want for their grandson, too bad. You are the parent and YOU are the one who will be dealing with this for a long time to come if something is not changed for this boy now. Susie, I do not assume to know your pain, years of frustration, or what you go through with difficult child. It just appears that difficult child's life is a merry-go-round. Sure, it's of his own making. But how is he being prepared for the future as he is living now? It appears his whims are being catered to (by gma and gpa) and there is no consistancy in consequences. I think it's a grave disservice to difficult child and the ultimate society-at-large who will have to deal with him when he reaches majority. Our challenging kids have such a tough time with personal responsibility and consequences. How is he going to learn how to handle himself out in the adult world, in just a few short years, if this is not "ground" into him at every turn now? Seems like life with gma and gpa can feel like country club living for him. That distorted view of life doesn't cut it. I hope that the withholding of that which he covets will help. You don't seem to hold out much confidence in that though. Sending hugs that something gives soon. Sharon [/QUOTE]
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