Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
getting hit with the wishy washies again
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Shari" data-source="post: 156062" data-attributes="member: 1848"><p>I'll try to keep it short, but sometimes I'm not good at it.</p><p> </p><p>When I found out I was pregnant with difficult child 2, my husband (at the time) was cheating on me. I was putting ducks in a row to leave and take difficult child 1 (HIS son from his previous marriage) with me. Therefore, I needed him to hang himself, or so I thought. I had left plenty of rope, and he was close. </p><p> </p><p>So then I find out I'm pregnant. Dumb me gave him a chance. He was never a father to difficult child 1, but I thought it was largely because he was deployed for most of difficult child 1's first couple of years. He didn't <em>know how</em> to be a father. I felt I would slight him if I didn't give him a chance. So I gave him the benefit of the doubt and I gave him a chance.</p><p> </p><p>It was primarily difficult child 1 that cared for difficult child 2 when I returned to work. Until the week that difficult child 1 went on vacation with my dad. That was when husband had to step up. And he did not. I returned home from work early one day and found the baby in exactly the same spot/clothes/diaper/etc as I had left him in hours earlier. Only thing had changed was that husband had turned the radio up to not hear the baby cry.</p><p> </p><p>That was it. I talked to his folks, I made plans, I taught difficult child 1 to make collect calls if he had to...and told husband his options, none of which were to stay with me and those kids. He chose to leave. Iloved him, but I would not allow him to treat me or my children that way any more. As you said, it would have been easier, I think, if he'd have died. </p><p> </p><p>As I talked to his mom, tho, she said that's exactly the way to look at it...the part of him I loved <em>was gone. </em>For whatever reason, it was gone. What was left was nothing but a shell. Her insight has helped me.</p><p> </p><p>It has been 5 years. Almost 6, actually. I was driving home from his folks' house the other day - he is living in their barn as he's been evicted from everywhere else - and I actually felt a twinge of guilt. My life was not good, but I had been able to hold him together somewhat. He at least was not breaking the law. And now his parents were dealing with him again - he's almost 40 and they're pushing 70...</p><p> </p><p>I guess my point of all this is, you gotta have a life, too. Even after 5 years, now that my ex is a convicted felon, and living in a BARN, for crying out loud, I still can play the what if game and feel guilty. </p><p> </p><p>I have learned to drop it as soon as it starts, and sometimes it is hard. I never wanted to be included in the divorce and broken home statistics, but I didn't want to live my life like <em>that</em> either. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs. Be strong. He is what he is, now you BE WHAT YOU ARE!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Shari, post: 156062, member: 1848"] I'll try to keep it short, but sometimes I'm not good at it. When I found out I was pregnant with difficult child 2, my husband (at the time) was cheating on me. I was putting ducks in a row to leave and take difficult child 1 (HIS son from his previous marriage) with me. Therefore, I needed him to hang himself, or so I thought. I had left plenty of rope, and he was close. So then I find out I'm pregnant. Dumb me gave him a chance. He was never a father to difficult child 1, but I thought it was largely because he was deployed for most of difficult child 1's first couple of years. He didn't [I]know how[/I] to be a father. I felt I would slight him if I didn't give him a chance. So I gave him the benefit of the doubt and I gave him a chance. It was primarily difficult child 1 that cared for difficult child 2 when I returned to work. Until the week that difficult child 1 went on vacation with my dad. That was when husband had to step up. And he did not. I returned home from work early one day and found the baby in exactly the same spot/clothes/diaper/etc as I had left him in hours earlier. Only thing had changed was that husband had turned the radio up to not hear the baby cry. That was it. I talked to his folks, I made plans, I taught difficult child 1 to make collect calls if he had to...and told husband his options, none of which were to stay with me and those kids. He chose to leave. Iloved him, but I would not allow him to treat me or my children that way any more. As you said, it would have been easier, I think, if he'd have died. As I talked to his mom, tho, she said that's exactly the way to look at it...the part of him I loved [I]was gone. [/I]For whatever reason, it was gone. What was left was nothing but a shell. Her insight has helped me. It has been 5 years. Almost 6, actually. I was driving home from his folks' house the other day - he is living in their barn as he's been evicted from everywhere else - and I actually felt a twinge of guilt. My life was not good, but I had been able to hold him together somewhat. He at least was not breaking the law. And now his parents were dealing with him again - he's almost 40 and they're pushing 70... I guess my point of all this is, you gotta have a life, too. Even after 5 years, now that my ex is a convicted felon, and living in a BARN, for crying out loud, I still can play the what if game and feel guilty. I have learned to drop it as soon as it starts, and sometimes it is hard. I never wanted to be included in the divorce and broken home statistics, but I didn't want to live my life like [I]that[/I] either. Hugs. Be strong. He is what he is, now you BE WHAT YOU ARE! [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
getting hit with the wishy washies again
Top