Getting to be too much

[llamafarm]

Man. This has been a rough few days. difficult child's language is so foul. The latest string of insults cannot be repeated. I am amazed, honestly. I can't figure out what to do about it. It sounds as if many of you deal with difficult child's that yell and curse at you. I have been encouraged to ignore it, but the language is just wrong! To his mother no less!

We are so tired of it. We cannot address him without an explosion. Everything! And when there is nothing to complain about he just makes stuff up or goes back to something that went wrong and somehow figures out a way to blame me..

I don't think the people that work with him have any idea. I've tried to explain what is happening but they keep encouraging us to use the same techniques. Today I started recording him. People need to understand. We can't use any thing because we can't even speak to him! Grrrr. I am so frustrated. It is becoming a bit too much (I tend to downplay things, so things are pretty bad here). husband is ready to send him somewhere. We cannot parent this child! Ugh!

 

[Jody]

I am sorry. It is crazy hard and I honestly don't have any advice. Just want you to know, that I totally understand and sending hugs to you.

 

[StressedM0mma]

Llama- I am so sorry that difficult child is being so difficult. It is so hard when they argue.over.everything. It can wear you down so much. I understand what you are saying about people not understanding. I hope by recording it, the therapist will understand what you are saying. I have been wanting to send difficult child somewhere for a year now. Just not in the cards for us. Can you get some respite care for him? Even if you could get a weekend off from parenting?

 

[llamafarm]

Thanks. It sounds like you have your hands full. Thanks for taking the time to send me a note. Thinking of you too.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Ugh, I'm sorry. I think it's an excellent idea to tape him, though.

 

[buddy]

I get it.too. Recording sounds smart. I'm sorry it's so rough. Really truly. I hate the swearing too. I'm so sick of being called every name in the book. We are having lots of good times too and that gives me.strength for next round which is shorter lately.

But I know the day after day, it won't stop kind of assault though. It's just really wearing. (Not a good enough word)

 

[Wiped Out]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this too. It's daily here and ever so wearing and mood busting (can't thing of the word I want there). Then, if your difficult child is anything like mine,he doesn't understand one minute later why you don't want to play with him or help him tie his shoes, or whatever. Sigh...and gentle hugs.

 

[buddy]

Wiped, that's so true. Q had the best day yesterday, so much fun with his Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker in the evening, came home smiled and returned my " hi" at the bottom of the stairs and by the top shoved me, started getting loud, etc. He blocked me from getting away started saying he was mad about something that hadn't happened, then when I said stop or.....x would happen...
He got locked on saying if I had never said that he wouldn't be mad.

This could be seizure activity and happily he never got injury level aggressive plus it was all but over in ten minutes. Still, I didn't feel like having happy talk with him. This morning I don't want to make him hot breakfast ( which he can do himself) etc. I realize he maybe was truly not able to control his feelings which he translates into anger toward me, but the emotional turmoil and self talk I have to do to rise above it is sometimes close to not possible. ( on a feelings and ptsd level at least)
Plus, how he remembers it is I pushed mom around and she didn't care, I can vent my feelings on her any time I want to. So, I can't reassure him and say it's ok. (Tried that long ago) He obviously won't have major consequences but he can pour his own cereal and last night we did not spend quality time talking, I wasn't in the mood.

Professionals have no idea how to help parents going thru this. Either there is blame, confusion if you do want to continue parenting your child, accusation if you don't, or disbelief or.... big big holes in the system.

 

[Bunny]

I know exactly how you feel. difficult child calls me every name in the book (and names that I didn't even know existed) whenever he gets angry. It's verbal abuse and it's very draining. I agree that taping him is a good idea.

I hope today is a better day.

 

[BusynMember]

Is he getting any particular interventions for his Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)? Trust me, ASDers do not think like we do and also have sensitivities that other people don't and they require a special sort of help a nd of parenting. Traditional behavioral methods don't do squat for them. Maybe you need to visit a new group of autism specialists to help you out. When I put my son in a timeout the first time we went to a behavioral therapist, he picked up the chair and threw it across the room, for example. Um, we decided then and there that we'd have to find Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) ways to deal with him and he didn't even have his diagnosis. yet (but we knew he had it).
At 19, he is doing amazing well, especially in the temper/emotion department and I feel it's because we attacked it early from an Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) point of view. Plus he was also high functioning. It's worth a try!

 

[greenrene]

You know, it's interesting... the one thing that my difficult child has never done is cursed me out. She can be rude, mean, disrespectful, and hateful without a doubt, but no cursing. I think I know why... see, I DO curse (not AT the children at all, but there are times when I have let various words fly within their earshot). difficult child, for whatever reason, thinks that my occasional foul language is FAR worse than, say, lying or being disrespectful, which are both things that SHE does constantly. By not cursing, she then flaunts herself as morally superior to me.

I've told her on MANY occasions that I'd rather hear her curse than treat people the way she does, but she just does NOT get it. She thinks that since she doesn't curse, smoke, or drink, that means that we adults in her life are the ones with the problems, and she's just a blameless victim of our evil ways because, after all, SHE doesn't curse, therefore, SHE is better than we are despite the fact that she lies, manipulates, throws toddler-esque tantrums, breaks things, is hateful and mean, disrespectful, etc. It's maddening.