GFGMOM....She Never Learns...

[DDD]

I won't even give the long version of a GFGmom update. Just a short one
for you all who have enjoyed the rest from her as much as we have. In August she "took" difficult child to live with her for his senior year. He has lived with us since 5th grade (with a period of living with his Mom mixed in). We did everything we could do to keep him here but..alas..he was turning 18 in Oct.and stated defiantly "you can't keep me from my Mom!"

GFGmom promised and avowed and swore that HE would be the focus of her life and she would "prove herself" by being the best Mom ever etc. etc.
Within two months she found a new boyfriend and he officially moved into the house with her, difficult child, little granddaughter difficult child, a cat and brought a new dog. Oh yeah "HE" became the focus. The boyfriend is very nice and we know a bit about him because it is a small town. He is much better with the kids than GFGmom has ever been, etc.

Turns out that GFGmom admits yesterday that difficult child is back on the porn sites and "they are sick". "His grades are down." "He is acting weird again and got violent the other night"........OMG!.......THEN she adds "I hope I don't have to call the police on him and have his committed!"

Holey Moley! That means that he is hearing sex stuff and it is triggering sex interests. That means he is being left on his own with his school work.
AND that last sentence means that GFGmom has AGAIN threatened him with the police and Baker Act to scare him into "being good". Chances are she has not been monitorizing his medications because "he is a grown up now!"

I am sick. We worked so very very hard for all those years normalizing him
and it sounds like she has messed it all up again. I told her if she ever thinks of the police or baker act she better call us to come get him because I will never forgive her if she does him more emotional harm.

Then today easy child/difficult child tells me that Mom's boyfriend said to him this weekend "what would you think of having another little brother or sister one of these days?" easy child/difficult child told him "that's your business, lol, just don't count on me to babysit." With his Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), easy child/difficult child has forgotten that his Mom had her tubes tied five years ago. Evidently she is not sharing that info with her new "future life partner" who is twelve years younger than she and
wants a baby of his own.

I can't believe I have a daughter like this! Vent. DDD

 

[mom_to_3]

Well, believe it! Sorry, just a little sarcasm thrown in there. I say the exact same thing about my difficult child. They don't ever stop, they don't get it, and what do you know anyway? Grrr! Sorry DDD. Our little grandson who is 5 yrs. is probably going back to his difficult child mother pretty quickly. I just shake my head and I know that everything we have accomplished in this almost years time, will be undone in a matter of days more than likely. You have my sympathy!

 

[rejectedmom]

DDD, I am sorry that your hard work seems to be going by the wayside. by the way in today's day and age tubal ligations do not necessarily mean no more children. They can still do invetro. -RM

 

[Suz]

I'm sorry D3. Can you hear me banging my head against the wall?

Is there any chance she is saying those things for attention for herself? Can she prove her allegations?

sigh.

and hugs,
Suz

 

[everywoman]

Once again, she never ceases to amaze me. I'm sorry. I know it hurts that she has let difficult child down again. Hopefully what you taught him over the years will help.

 

[Star*]

Okay so the up side to this is that you probably WONT have another grandchild - right? ugh.......

Hands soft mat to bang head on - you may choose to use it or just pass it along to your difficult child daughter.

Would you ever consider taking easy child/difficult child back now? Maybe you should /could offer?

 

[katya02]

Sorry to hear this ... after all your work and care ... arrgh. A thought though - nothing you have done has gone to waste. You gave him the means and help to get back on track. Now that he's 18 he has to make certain choices as an adult because this stuff is out there; he will now have to choose to walk away from it. I hope he will remember the good things you've taught him.

 

[Nomad]

I'm sorry that your daughter continues to be a difficult child...and therefore continues to leave a trail of stress to you and those she encounters.

When he said "That's your business...don't count on me to babysit..."
These were wise words. Sounds like you taught him to think on his feet, and to see things as they really are. So, like katya said, all those years you had him in your home taught him special skills. He has that and will continue to have that. Nothing can take that away.

Do you still have regular contact with him? Can you email him? Can you have him over for dinner once in awhile? Since you have a special relationship and he has these hardships with his mother, I would continue to nurture him to help build his self esteem. However, since he is 18, I would encourage him to think independently, drop the inappropriate behaviors and be making plans for his future. As you know, you can't be by his side all the time. Ya know, your influence on him might be more powerful now than ever. A wise word from you now and then might have a big impact. You will be the voice of reason and a place of refuge.

 

[ScentofCedar]

You must be ready to tear your hair out, DDD.

You have given so much to difficult child, and to GFGMom.

Barbara

 

[DDD]

Thank you. It is amazing how therapeutic it is to be able to vent exactly how you are feeling to "the family" without choosing words carefully etc. Just posting helped me.

Believe it or not GFGmom read my email response to hers and actually checked difficult child's medicine. She talked with him and he has NOT been taking his second dose of Risperdal lately. She actually apologized to me for not monitoring his medication intake and promised she will be the pharmacist
in the household. That is a positive thing as she took appropriate action and came up with "a plan" for the future. Big improvement.

easy child/difficult child still lives with us Star. Little difficult child is the one who moved to GFGmom's house this year as he was 18 and liked the excitement at her house. He also thought he was going to be the "man" of the house. We don't see difficult child as often as we expected to but he calls me when he's in need of a regular Mom (sick, scared etc.) and comes to visit every few weeks. He knows where we are and that we love him.

Lordy that would be a shocker if she had another baby. Her boyfriend is 28 and she is 44. Yep...that would be something! DDD

 

[Hound dog]

Wow DDD, just shaking my head.

(((hugs)))