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Giant step backwards
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 746437" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>DoneDad. This is what I wrote last night but did not post it because it spoke from despair.</p><p></p><p><em>"I don't know what to say. I find this all unbearably sad. We are all running around like ants in a fire. To escape. And there is no place to go."</em></p><p></p><p>This is trauma speaking. Where we cease to exist because there are no words. As humans we need words in order to feel we exist in a way that is "being." When we are in this space we start jettisoning overboard our relationships, believing (falsely) that we can find some relief.</p><p>It is our children who are defeated and trapped. And we feel compelled to enter that space with them. At once we follow them and they lure us. This becomes our addiction, and when we follow it, we are done for. For a moment we have lost ourselves.</p><p></p><p>But our relationships, our selves, our integrity and self-control, our hope and our dignity are still there. I am seeing that. It is like those figure ground pictures of the Gestalt psychologists. I don't know if you have seen them. Like the one that is at once a vase and a woman's profile? All you do is look at the image in a slightly different way and abracadabra, it's a different thing.</p><p></p><p>So it is with us. We merge with them, we allow ourselves to fall in and lose ourselves. And blink. And we remember we are still us, capable of boundaries, of self-definition, of choices, of self-efficacy.</p><p></p><p>That's why here is so helpful. We can remember who we are. Human.</p><p></p><p>Thank you DoneDad.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 746437, member: 18958"] DoneDad. This is what I wrote last night but did not post it because it spoke from despair. [I]"I don't know what to say. I find this all unbearably sad. We are all running around like ants in a fire. To escape. And there is no place to go."[/I] This is trauma speaking. Where we cease to exist because there are no words. As humans we need words in order to feel we exist in a way that is "being." When we are in this space we start jettisoning overboard our relationships, believing (falsely) that we can find some relief. It is our children who are defeated and trapped. And we feel compelled to enter that space with them. At once we follow them and they lure us. This becomes our addiction, and when we follow it, we are done for. For a moment we have lost ourselves. But our relationships, our selves, our integrity and self-control, our hope and our dignity are still there. I am seeing that. It is like those figure ground pictures of the Gestalt psychologists. I don't know if you have seen them. Like the one that is at once a vase and a woman's profile? All you do is look at the image in a slightly different way and abracadabra, it's a different thing. So it is with us. We merge with them, we allow ourselves to fall in and lose ourselves. And blink. And we remember we are still us, capable of boundaries, of self-definition, of choices, of self-efficacy. That's why[B] [/B]here[B] [/B]is so helpful. We can remember who we are. Human. Thank you DoneDad. [/QUOTE]
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