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<blockquote data-quote="Lonelylady" data-source="post: 746893" data-attributes="member: 22664"><p>I totally can relate to everything you are feeling. I am 63 and my husband is 60. Our daughter is 36 and still basically a child. I am raising two of her children and one is on the autistic spectrum. My husband and I would love to take a week for our anniversary this month, and guess what? Yep my daughter can't watch her own kids, its just to hard so she says. In forty years of marriage we have never had even a weekend to ourselves. She is very selfish. As you mentioned it is such an unhealthy relationship and seems impossible to break. I understand how hard it is for your wife, I struggle with the same feelings of wanting to help her just one last time. </p><p></p><p>I lost my mother this year and something inside me changed. My eyes were opened to how quickly things change and how a normal mother daughter relationship really is. I realized I never once treated my mother the way my daughter treats me. She claims she loves me and I am all she has. However, she is married to a bum for 8 yrs that won't work. They have borrowed so much from us and I say borrowed but they never return it. So I guess we just give it away. Oh but of course it is expected, quote How could you let my electric get shut of? I hear that every month. Along with so much more to add on more and more feelings of guilt. Tell your wife to find a good therapist because the drugs turns our children into monsters that will take everything and leave you broken. </p><p></p><p>I didn't mean to dump this on you, but I hope you share this with your wife. Taking care of a child with autism is very difficult but I love him with all my heart and the other one has problems as well due to drug use during her pregnancy. In my heart they are both my boys. I have had them both since birth. Daughter just walked off and left them with me. So I got them through the courts. I don't regret that at all and I love them more than words can say. Realistically speaking it is time to stop dealing with my daughter at all. She chose her life. I need to be making preparations for these boys. At our age, we have no other family to step in and take them if something were to happen to us. The daughter has made it clear its not her problem. </p><p></p><p>I have come to realize my daughter is living my life. She gets up when she wants, does whatever she feels like through the day and never checks on the boys or us, until she needs something. So what I am trying to say is. At our age it is time to do all the things we have thought or even said to each other one day. That day has never arrived. When you are raising two boys and taking care of an adult child, you become so physically and emotionally drained that you can't do anything well. </p><p></p><p>I am looking for some outside help now to help me take care of the autistic child and hoping and praying I find a good person they both will bond with. This is the only way I can have any peace in my life. I have to know the boys will be ok if and when the time comes. We haven't had any luck yet. I am even considering moving out of the state so the daughter just can't get to us. That sounds drastic but it is when I can't get through one day without her needing me for whatever she thinks is important. The truth is the children need me! My husband needs me! I really hope this helps you and your wife. It never ends until you and your wife end it. Your priority is your grandson as should be. I know it is very hard but the mother has to go and you all need to make time for each other. These are our golden years and we deserve them. If you both could find a good therapist and go together and then help each other to be strong cause the battle is on until you all can put an end to the mother being in the picture. I wish you all the best. </p><p></p><p>Much love and prayers</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lonelylady, post: 746893, member: 22664"] I totally can relate to everything you are feeling. I am 63 and my husband is 60. Our daughter is 36 and still basically a child. I am raising two of her children and one is on the autistic spectrum. My husband and I would love to take a week for our anniversary this month, and guess what? Yep my daughter can't watch her own kids, its just to hard so she says. In forty years of marriage we have never had even a weekend to ourselves. She is very selfish. As you mentioned it is such an unhealthy relationship and seems impossible to break. I understand how hard it is for your wife, I struggle with the same feelings of wanting to help her just one last time. I lost my mother this year and something inside me changed. My eyes were opened to how quickly things change and how a normal mother daughter relationship really is. I realized I never once treated my mother the way my daughter treats me. She claims she loves me and I am all she has. However, she is married to a bum for 8 yrs that won't work. They have borrowed so much from us and I say borrowed but they never return it. So I guess we just give it away. Oh but of course it is expected, quote How could you let my electric get shut of? I hear that every month. Along with so much more to add on more and more feelings of guilt. Tell your wife to find a good therapist because the drugs turns our children into monsters that will take everything and leave you broken. I didn't mean to dump this on you, but I hope you share this with your wife. Taking care of a child with autism is very difficult but I love him with all my heart and the other one has problems as well due to drug use during her pregnancy. In my heart they are both my boys. I have had them both since birth. Daughter just walked off and left them with me. So I got them through the courts. I don't regret that at all and I love them more than words can say. Realistically speaking it is time to stop dealing with my daughter at all. She chose her life. I need to be making preparations for these boys. At our age, we have no other family to step in and take them if something were to happen to us. The daughter has made it clear its not her problem. I have come to realize my daughter is living my life. She gets up when she wants, does whatever she feels like through the day and never checks on the boys or us, until she needs something. So what I am trying to say is. At our age it is time to do all the things we have thought or even said to each other one day. That day has never arrived. When you are raising two boys and taking care of an adult child, you become so physically and emotionally drained that you can't do anything well. I am looking for some outside help now to help me take care of the autistic child and hoping and praying I find a good person they both will bond with. This is the only way I can have any peace in my life. I have to know the boys will be ok if and when the time comes. We haven't had any luck yet. I am even considering moving out of the state so the daughter just can't get to us. That sounds drastic but it is when I can't get through one day without her needing me for whatever she thinks is important. The truth is the children need me! My husband needs me! I really hope this helps you and your wife. It never ends until you and your wife end it. Your priority is your grandson as should be. I know it is very hard but the mother has to go and you all need to make time for each other. These are our golden years and we deserve them. If you both could find a good therapist and go together and then help each other to be strong cause the battle is on until you all can put an end to the mother being in the picture. I wish you all the best. Much love and prayers [/QUOTE]
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