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Substance Abuse
Girlfriends past drug use.
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 627577" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi David, a few thoughts.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like your girlfriend is an addict. Does she acknowledge that? Has she worked any kind of program of recovery before or now? If she does not acknowledge her addiction, that is not a good sign for your future with her. If she does acknowledge it, but she isn't working a program, she is likely white-knuckling it, and that doesn't work. You might want to read this book: When the Servant Becomes the Master. A very good book and a more recent one on addiction. </p><p></p><p>But David, regardless, there is no way to know your future with her or anybody else. There is no certainty in relationships or in the world. She may use again or she may not. You have "stuff" in your past as well. There is no ranking of "what is worse" or not---we are all struggling and we all have issues we struggle with. </p><p></p><p>Lying is a problem if it exists in any relationship. Also blaming people for what they did or did not do---either in the past before they knew you or even today---will not work in any relationship. </p><p></p><p>If she is lying to you and you are lying to her, your relationship won't work. </p><p></p><p>Love, sadly, is not enough in any relationship, David. There has to be acceptance and trust and respect and boundaries and manners and all kinds of behaviors that acknowledge the separateness of two human beings and their right and responsibility to be adults and to choose to come together and to create a relationship that works for the both of you. </p><p></p><p>You will make plenty of mistakes in your life. She will also. How will you handle that? </p><p></p><p>And friends are a very good indicator of where a person is in life. If she hangs out with people who do drugs, and she is an addict, she is using or is likely to use again. </p><p></p><p>And don't expect to know when and if that happens. Drug addicts and alcoholics are amazingly deceptive people when they want to be. I was married for 29 years to a very high functioning alcoholic. I had no idea he got out of our bed at times and sat in the kitchen in the dark and drank until he passed out and then somehow came back to bed and woke up with the alarm and went to do.</p><p></p><p>Hugs to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 627577, member: 17542"] Hi David, a few thoughts. It sounds like your girlfriend is an addict. Does she acknowledge that? Has she worked any kind of program of recovery before or now? If she does not acknowledge her addiction, that is not a good sign for your future with her. If she does acknowledge it, but she isn't working a program, she is likely white-knuckling it, and that doesn't work. You might want to read this book: When the Servant Becomes the Master. A very good book and a more recent one on addiction. But David, regardless, there is no way to know your future with her or anybody else. There is no certainty in relationships or in the world. She may use again or she may not. You have "stuff" in your past as well. There is no ranking of "what is worse" or not---we are all struggling and we all have issues we struggle with. Lying is a problem if it exists in any relationship. Also blaming people for what they did or did not do---either in the past before they knew you or even today---will not work in any relationship. If she is lying to you and you are lying to her, your relationship won't work. Love, sadly, is not enough in any relationship, David. There has to be acceptance and trust and respect and boundaries and manners and all kinds of behaviors that acknowledge the separateness of two human beings and their right and responsibility to be adults and to choose to come together and to create a relationship that works for the both of you. You will make plenty of mistakes in your life. She will also. How will you handle that? And friends are a very good indicator of where a person is in life. If she hangs out with people who do drugs, and she is an addict, she is using or is likely to use again. And don't expect to know when and if that happens. Drug addicts and alcoholics are amazingly deceptive people when they want to be. I was married for 29 years to a very high functioning alcoholic. I had no idea he got out of our bed at times and sat in the kitchen in the dark and drank until he passed out and then somehow came back to bed and woke up with the alarm and went to do. Hugs to you. [/QUOTE]
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