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<blockquote data-quote="dashcat" data-source="post: 420700" data-attributes="member: 9175"><p>Jena,</p><p>I lived through a similiar - but also very different - version of your current situation. I have an only chilc, adopted as an infant, who did not show her difficult child colors until around the age of 15. There were signs, but she was pretty much a easy child. This is the year her dad left us - out of the clear blue sky after 28 years of marriage. </p><p> </p><p>Because she did not like the rules here (do your homework, be home on time, unreasonable things like that), she moved in with her dad just before her senior year.</p><p> </p><p>Like you, I was beside myself with anger and hurt. Like you, I mourned what I thought would be the loss of the rituals - prom dresses, first day of school.... I was absolultely sick. I also alternately blamed myself (I can't keep a husband either) and was furious with her (how could you leave me, too? I'm the GOOD guy in this messs!). I worried about the lack of rules and fought my intense jealousy over his getting off scott free ...even though I never once uttered a bad word about him to her, I expected her to see the light.</p><p> </p><p>On the advice of her t-doctor, we made her come back. It was not pretty at first and I promised her I'd say nothing about where she chose to live once she reached 18. She did eventually move back with dad (no rules) but I had her back with me for about 3/4 of her senior year. and also for the summer after she dropped out of college. </p><p> </p><p>The very worst thing I did was to break downin front of her. Avoid, at all costs, any situation where you think this is possible. </p><p> </p><p>My point is that I understand, completely, your grief over this. It's not fair. Our difficult child's are rarely fair. And, like me, youthought you had a easy child ...and I pray that you will get that child back in some form.</p><p> </p><p>By leting go when my daughter made her choice - again - to leave this fall, I have formed a new and better relationship with her. I get to be the parent she misses! I see her regularly and her dad deals with her messes, her mania, her lack of motivation.</p><p> </p><p>Try as hard as you can to keep your eyes on the horizon. Look at this as a stage - a really ugly stage , but one that will pass.</p><p> </p><p>Dash</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dashcat, post: 420700, member: 9175"] Jena, I lived through a similiar - but also very different - version of your current situation. I have an only chilc, adopted as an infant, who did not show her difficult child colors until around the age of 15. There were signs, but she was pretty much a easy child. This is the year her dad left us - out of the clear blue sky after 28 years of marriage. Because she did not like the rules here (do your homework, be home on time, unreasonable things like that), she moved in with her dad just before her senior year. Like you, I was beside myself with anger and hurt. Like you, I mourned what I thought would be the loss of the rituals - prom dresses, first day of school.... I was absolultely sick. I also alternately blamed myself (I can't keep a husband either) and was furious with her (how could you leave me, too? I'm the GOOD guy in this messs!). I worried about the lack of rules and fought my intense jealousy over his getting off scott free ...even though I never once uttered a bad word about him to her, I expected her to see the light. On the advice of her t-doctor, we made her come back. It was not pretty at first and I promised her I'd say nothing about where she chose to live once she reached 18. She did eventually move back with dad (no rules) but I had her back with me for about 3/4 of her senior year. and also for the summer after she dropped out of college. The very worst thing I did was to break downin front of her. Avoid, at all costs, any situation where you think this is possible. My point is that I understand, completely, your grief over this. It's not fair. Our difficult child's are rarely fair. And, like me, youthought you had a easy child ...and I pray that you will get that child back in some form. By leting go when my daughter made her choice - again - to leave this fall, I have formed a new and better relationship with her. I get to be the parent she misses! I see her regularly and her dad deals with her messes, her mania, her lack of motivation. Try as hard as you can to keep your eyes on the horizon. Look at this as a stage - a really ugly stage , but one that will pass. Dash [/QUOTE]
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