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<blockquote data-quote="Jena" data-source="post: 420882" data-attributes="member: 4514"><p>haozi i didnt' know that i love canada! DDD you literally read my mind, wow your scary sometimes lol. i thought same exact thing. i'm going to have to spend part of my day cleaning thsi kids room up and packing it up. i will though, i have to stick to my word with this it's crucial.if i do not i'm saying hey it's ok walk all over me, call me names, hurt your sister...... yea i like it give me more lol.</p><p> </p><p>ml yes i know, i'm ok don't worry you know me. i always pull thru. alot of us have been down this road before if they can do it i can. i have husband who half the time i want to choke lol, last night we went at eachother the stress level is too high. went to bed angry the whole nine yards, he's ******, doesn't get it than wanted me to be excited to see him last night we had plans to watch a movie he was hurt because i was in a carpy mood. i have xanax to calm me when absolutely necessary and if i find by next week i'm still a bit flat i'll head to doctor for an ssri.</p><p> </p><p>your all very correct it's my guilt now, not her that's getting me. the review of our life etc. as parents we tend to look backwards at times like this, sort of surreal. yet i have to remind myself i've done my best, given my all literally and this is her task now, not mine. easy child's and my connection is quite different than difficult child. she was my first, we did it alone i went from being a single adulthood to having a baby alone at almost 24 her dad walked away from it all before she was born. she taught me what unconditional love was all about, so she's my soft spot. she knows it too.</p><p> </p><p>yet your all right she isnt' living in the street or hooking this mom whose taking her in is anutcase yet she'll have shelter and food and therapy supplied by us. not a bad deal. i have to work on clearing up my guilt once i accomplish that ill be just fine. husband got so mad at her last night for leaving difficult child hanging like that, he was cursing screaming carrying on thank god kids werent' home lol. another quarter into the therapy jar for them! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p> </p><p>you know what though this may bite, yet i dont' regret the whole mom thing, having them, her and i have had so many good times together she's taught me alot and hopefully i've instilled some good things in her and she'll pull those out of the mom bag once she guts her junk out. i tend to get better with each kid though, lol. i'll be that much stronger for difficult child inher teen years.</p><p> </p><p>i sat today and thought of all the things i won't miss, her stealing my stuff, clothes, jewelry basically anything she likes she takes, the smell of her room and food everywhere, walking on eggshells not knowing when she'll blow, sitting ea. night worrying where she is, calling cops, her name calling me and insulting me yelling at difficult child. those are the things i wont' miss and will help our home get healthier. it's soo time for my husband and i to realize we actually did get married 9 mos ago and start to maybe enjoy that and stop beating eachother up, for difficult child to continue doing so incredibly well with all these realizations she's having about her dad, what anxiety is, etc. her intelligence and insightfulness at 12 astounds me and the therapist. maybe my dogs will calm down too, they have been on edge past 2 weeks something awful. our big guy hates conflict yes he's my difficult child dog lol. big anxiety guy.</p><p> </p><p>ok i'm rambling........... hopefully in a coherent way <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p> </p><p>haozi how do you see him if he lives there?? that's a big rough. had a feeling when i saw the pics i thought yea he's canadian! lol</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jena, post: 420882, member: 4514"] haozi i didnt' know that i love canada! DDD you literally read my mind, wow your scary sometimes lol. i thought same exact thing. i'm going to have to spend part of my day cleaning thsi kids room up and packing it up. i will though, i have to stick to my word with this it's crucial.if i do not i'm saying hey it's ok walk all over me, call me names, hurt your sister...... yea i like it give me more lol. ml yes i know, i'm ok don't worry you know me. i always pull thru. alot of us have been down this road before if they can do it i can. i have husband who half the time i want to choke lol, last night we went at eachother the stress level is too high. went to bed angry the whole nine yards, he's ******, doesn't get it than wanted me to be excited to see him last night we had plans to watch a movie he was hurt because i was in a carpy mood. i have xanax to calm me when absolutely necessary and if i find by next week i'm still a bit flat i'll head to doctor for an ssri. your all very correct it's my guilt now, not her that's getting me. the review of our life etc. as parents we tend to look backwards at times like this, sort of surreal. yet i have to remind myself i've done my best, given my all literally and this is her task now, not mine. easy child's and my connection is quite different than difficult child. she was my first, we did it alone i went from being a single adulthood to having a baby alone at almost 24 her dad walked away from it all before she was born. she taught me what unconditional love was all about, so she's my soft spot. she knows it too. yet your all right she isnt' living in the street or hooking this mom whose taking her in is anutcase yet she'll have shelter and food and therapy supplied by us. not a bad deal. i have to work on clearing up my guilt once i accomplish that ill be just fine. husband got so mad at her last night for leaving difficult child hanging like that, he was cursing screaming carrying on thank god kids werent' home lol. another quarter into the therapy jar for them! :) you know what though this may bite, yet i dont' regret the whole mom thing, having them, her and i have had so many good times together she's taught me alot and hopefully i've instilled some good things in her and she'll pull those out of the mom bag once she guts her junk out. i tend to get better with each kid though, lol. i'll be that much stronger for difficult child inher teen years. i sat today and thought of all the things i won't miss, her stealing my stuff, clothes, jewelry basically anything she likes she takes, the smell of her room and food everywhere, walking on eggshells not knowing when she'll blow, sitting ea. night worrying where she is, calling cops, her name calling me and insulting me yelling at difficult child. those are the things i wont' miss and will help our home get healthier. it's soo time for my husband and i to realize we actually did get married 9 mos ago and start to maybe enjoy that and stop beating eachother up, for difficult child to continue doing so incredibly well with all these realizations she's having about her dad, what anxiety is, etc. her intelligence and insightfulness at 12 astounds me and the therapist. maybe my dogs will calm down too, they have been on edge past 2 weeks something awful. our big guy hates conflict yes he's my difficult child dog lol. big anxiety guy. ok i'm rambling........... hopefully in a coherent way :) haozi how do you see him if he lives there?? that's a big rough. had a feeling when i saw the pics i thought yea he's canadian! lol [/QUOTE]
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