Glad I Expected It!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by meowbunny, May 11, 2008.

  1. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Yup, went to pick her up. She was still in bed. Then I got to hear, "I should have called you. I only made $20 the last two days." I stayed for a bit, we talked. Turns out she was up almost all night. Good to finally get the true story. It was a nice talk and it was nice seeing her cat.

    No matter. It was what it was -- nothing. I know I expected it and I did try to not be hurt but it does hurt and it hurts a lot. There are three days of the year I'd like to be before her friends, just three. Mother's Day, my birthday and Christmas. Hasn't happened yet. Something tells me it will never happen. I HATE Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)!!!!

    And tonight I get to talk to my mother and hear what a rotten daughter I am for not flying back to be with her. Oh, well, I sent her some flowers and a nice card. At least I know I tried.

    Just another day to let me know how much of a failure I am at being a mother and a daughter. Excuse me while I go crawl under the covers.

    Hope at least some of you are having a good Mother's Day.
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    A big hug MB. Instead of thinking of yourself as a failure---which you are not---place the blame where it lies---your mother and your daughter. I think you are great!!! Happy Mothers Day.
  3. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Meow...right NOW, get in the car and go get yourself a massage, manicure, huge dinner and a good movie.

    You are not a failure. You're just in the path of people who are insensitive.

  4. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Oh, MeowBunny, you are not a failure! You are a wonderful mom and person. I am so sorry you have a difficult child for both mom and dtr! We all love you so much, I wish we could go to your house and pamper you as you deserve to be pampered!

    Please do something special for yourself and come back here and tell us all about it!

  5. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    My thoughts exactly.

    Honestly, I'd like to smack both of them upside the head for you.

  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry. I know you wanted it to be more than that. I'm leaving in an hour or so for my breakfast. It will be the first time I have seen M in four years when I kicked him and his homies out for trying to burglarize me by calling the police. I'm just ignoring the fact that it's Mother's Day or that he and L, who hasn't talked to me in over a month because I told her it was time to stop acting like a child, are even going to be there. I hope that I can continue to pull that off until after lunch. I told husband I don't want anyone coming home with us after.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I agree the blame needs to be on your difficult child and your mom. You ARE a good mom and a good daughter.

  8. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Your mother and daughter are just selfish, selfish, selfish. How dare they? Still expecting YOU to serve THEM!!! Ungrateful for all YOU have done for them. What right do they have to expect your love? You have only tired to make life better for them and they have taken advantage of you.

    YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON!!! You know the good you do is for others because you love them, not because you are their servant which you are not.

    We all know you did everything for them without a "what's in it for me attitude". Some parents and children just can't appreciate the gift they have.

    You are VERY SPECIAL! Happy Mother's Day to a mom who truley does have one of the hardest jobs!
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I agree with everywoman. Keep the blame where it belongs. It's still Mother's Day. Go out and do something wonderfully extravagant that you wouldn't ordinarily splurge on and have a blast. YOU deserve it.

  10. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I'm sending you Cyber Flowers, Cyber Chocolate and Cyber hugs cause you are a SUPER MOM and you ROCK! -RM
  11. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    sniff (literally). Thanks, guys, so much. You have no idea what your words meant. I'm still an ungrateful daughter but I did put it back on my mother. I simply told her I'm sorry she felt that way and if I was that much of a sorry excuse of a daughter maybe I should quit calling and simply send her email messages. She backtracked very quickly and actually apologized for making me feel so badly (she really does know me and love me).

    For my daughter, I think I'll always feel I failed her. Intellectually, I know that it is the Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and I worked minor miracles in getting her this far. Emotionally, I do want my love returned and that's not something she can do. Maybe there was one more thing I could have done or should not have done. Maybe one day I'll be able to accept that but I doubt it. I did what I could. She does have true empathy for others, just not me and I do take credit for that. True empathy by a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) child is somewhat of a miracle. I'm just taken for granted, as most mothers are.
  12. Star*

    Star* call 911

    If you have room under the covers for two? I'll get you a cat. I think today was my last holiday wondering if - despite everything else you have to be happy still stings. Less and less every year.

    I was thinking of you today too - I hoped it had been the kind of day you needed and wished for.

    Maybe the honesty was start. One can hope -

  13. chrisdog01

    chrisdog01 New Member

  14. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    I am very unhappy with my difficult child right now. She too is adopted and while never having a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) diagnosis, boy does she have symptoms. My difficult child is not a totally bad person, she has empathy too, for anyone other than her family, but mostly me. I'm thinking She didn't learn too much good from me, but she will help out the biggest loser she can find in the world. It takes all kinds to make this world go 'round.

    I don't have any issue's with my own mother, she is great and I thank God for her every day. We had a Mother's Day Gathering at my parents home today. I was the first one there as I needed to help her with some things. My Mother gave me a great gift today and I'll share it with you. My Mother said to me today............. I am ORDERING you to stop beating yourself up for your failings or short commings regarding your difficult child. Enough! That goes for all of us here!
  15. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    meowbunny, my earlier response never made it thru, but in essence you have a caring "family" here on the board. You can only control your behavior not theirs and unfortunately wishing never makes it so......Happy Mother's day and know that we appreciate your advice and responses here.......