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Glad to be the Bad Guy
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 284056" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>It sounds like your son has a pretty strong sense of his limitations right now. If you keep supporting him this way things can and probably will get better.</p><p></p><p>My own parents gave me all the support I wanted to use them as the bad guy. From late elementary school I was allowed to tell anyone that I was not allowed to do something because my parents said so. Of course this did NOT apply to school, church (went to a Catholic school so they were the same thing pretty much). </p><p></p><p>I even used it when they were not anywhere else. "My parents would KILL me if I did that. Sorry. My mom and dad ALWAYS find out, and it can get really ugly for me."</p><p></p><p>I even used it to get transferred out of the science class taught by a guy who exerted NO discipline and did nothing but read in a monotone until test time - when he would yell and scream and throw the desks around while you were sitting at them! The other teacher did experiments and dissection and I was geekily interested. So I got them to change my class.</p><p></p><p>I even would use it through college at times - even when I was at school 8 hours away from home.</p><p></p><p>It helped that they backed me up and that we were really close.</p><p></p><p>Use the bond that lets your difficult child ask for this. Maybe set up a secret signal or codeword that would let you know if he doesn't want to do something or that he wants to avoid something.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you are close enough your difficult child could ASK for this. It says good things about your relationship. And about difficult child's awareness of his boundaries.</p><p></p><p>And, if possible, give the kid a reward for stepping up this way.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 284056, member: 1233"] It sounds like your son has a pretty strong sense of his limitations right now. If you keep supporting him this way things can and probably will get better. My own parents gave me all the support I wanted to use them as the bad guy. From late elementary school I was allowed to tell anyone that I was not allowed to do something because my parents said so. Of course this did NOT apply to school, church (went to a Catholic school so they were the same thing pretty much). I even used it when they were not anywhere else. "My parents would KILL me if I did that. Sorry. My mom and dad ALWAYS find out, and it can get really ugly for me." I even used it to get transferred out of the science class taught by a guy who exerted NO discipline and did nothing but read in a monotone until test time - when he would yell and scream and throw the desks around while you were sitting at them! The other teacher did experiments and dissection and I was geekily interested. So I got them to change my class. I even would use it through college at times - even when I was at school 8 hours away from home. It helped that they backed me up and that we were really close. Use the bond that lets your difficult child ask for this. Maybe set up a secret signal or codeword that would let you know if he doesn't want to do something or that he wants to avoid something. I am glad you are close enough your difficult child could ASK for this. It says good things about your relationship. And about difficult child's awareness of his boundaries. And, if possible, give the kid a reward for stepping up this way. [/QUOTE]
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