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Gonna post this...and then try to go on
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 357304" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>I get it.</p><p>I adore my husband, respect him, and don't know anyone who could be more of a life partner. Somedays it's just all too much and I want to bolt. It's not really him or the kids or the family. Just life.</p><p>I had a fantasy of just disappearing and ending up working in a diner in the NW with a whole new identity. It's just a fantasy and a way of working through my feelings of being tired or overwhelmed. In the ups and downs of married life it seems to be the norm to go through periods of wanting to move forward and wanting to bolt. Anyone who says that married life is never without doubt is lying. </p><p>I don't have the addiction issue in the background and the trust issues so I can imagine that throws more fuel to the fire. I don't want to portray I know what that feels like. </p><p>I just know that I have wondered if this is the life I want or if this is the life I want to live forever. It's an indulgent exercise on my part because I don't think I ever thought I would be this contentedly married. So it's probably not the married part that fuels my fantasy but just asking myself what I thought my life would look like and how it actually came to be. </p><p></p><p>What I'm trying to say is that I believe every woman reaches an age where they stop to take stock in how their life turned out and whether they had other avenues to explore or if they should explore other avenues. I believe women find a mid life phase(not crisis) where they reflect and change their course in life. In the end, you don't want to say to yourself " I wanted X but I allowed myself only Z and used Z as an excuse to not have X". </p><p>In the end, you may find that the life you are living is better than you thought. </p><p></p><p>Being a strong woman can become an albatross. The expectation is that you will never have doubt or that you won't stumble or make a mistake. Strong women know that is not true. You are just like everyone else but you choose to not bury your head in the sand or be ineffective. </p><p></p><p>I'm hoping you come to terms with your inner struggle. It's tough to battle it out silently.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 357304, member: 3"] I get it. I adore my husband, respect him, and don't know anyone who could be more of a life partner. Somedays it's just all too much and I want to bolt. It's not really him or the kids or the family. Just life. I had a fantasy of just disappearing and ending up working in a diner in the NW with a whole new identity. It's just a fantasy and a way of working through my feelings of being tired or overwhelmed. In the ups and downs of married life it seems to be the norm to go through periods of wanting to move forward and wanting to bolt. Anyone who says that married life is never without doubt is lying. I don't have the addiction issue in the background and the trust issues so I can imagine that throws more fuel to the fire. I don't want to portray I know what that feels like. I just know that I have wondered if this is the life I want or if this is the life I want to live forever. It's an indulgent exercise on my part because I don't think I ever thought I would be this contentedly married. So it's probably not the married part that fuels my fantasy but just asking myself what I thought my life would look like and how it actually came to be. What I'm trying to say is that I believe every woman reaches an age where they stop to take stock in how their life turned out and whether they had other avenues to explore or if they should explore other avenues. I believe women find a mid life phase(not crisis) where they reflect and change their course in life. In the end, you don't want to say to yourself " I wanted X but I allowed myself only Z and used Z as an excuse to not have X". In the end, you may find that the life you are living is better than you thought. Being a strong woman can become an albatross. The expectation is that you will never have doubt or that you won't stumble or make a mistake. Strong women know that is not true. You are just like everyone else but you choose to not bury your head in the sand or be ineffective. I'm hoping you come to terms with your inner struggle. It's tough to battle it out silently. [/QUOTE]
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