and try to forget I said it--- Hopefully saying it will get it out the way and then I can go on with life. I DO NOT WANT TO BE MARRIED ANYMORE!!! My husband is a good man. He is kind. He adores me. He is not abusive. He is not a bad man. He is an addict. Right now, as far as I know, he is clean. But, again, that is as far as I know. I never know. I live every. single. day. wondering if he will relapse. I live every day not knowing. I can't trust anyone---every bit of trust in side of me has been destroyed by the people who were supposed to love and protect me in life--- I think I am damaged beyond repair. On the outside I look so strong. I appear to be happy. BUT...on the inside I am dead.