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Gonna post this...and then try to go on
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<blockquote data-quote="DaisyFace" data-source="post: 357323" data-attributes="member: 6546"><p>EW--</p><p> </p><p>Let me first say that I am so sorry to hear your pain. Second, I have no experience with an addicted spouse...well, at least not anything that counts as a "serious" addiction.</p><p> </p><p>husband was a smoker. And while that's legal and socially acceptable and nobody bats an eye--it was a problem. We've been poor. And I mean PO! (When you're so poor you can't even afford the O and the R--PO!) husband knew we couldn't afford the cigarettes...and so he would announce that he was quitting.</p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, he'd still be smoking--now he was just lying about it. Alternatively, he would seriously try to quit--by turning to snacking instead. And to feed either of these habits, he needed to spend, spend, spend...</p><p> </p><p>He would take cash out of our grocery money to buy cigarettes. When I put a stop to that--he ran up our credit cards. I can remember getting a bill for a CC that I thought had no balance....and there was a bill for nearly $300 because he had used the card almost every single day to buy something! He bought snacks, smokes, lunches out--every day! I yelled. I screamed! He apologized....and went right back out and did the exact same thing the next day.</p><p> </p><p>I took away his credit cards...thinking I had solved the problem.</p><p> </p><p>Then I discovered that husband figured out a way to get advances on his paychecks....</p><p>Every week, his check was less and less than it should have been because he would get an advance and spend it...on cigarettes, snacks, meals, candy--every day!</p><p> </p><p>Today, honestly...I still don't trust him with money. I handle all of our finances. All of the credit cards are in my name. I often think about how much further ahead in life I might be if I hadn't spent all these years constantly putting out the financial "fires" caused by all this excess spending. And yes, I too, have often fantasized about running away...just going...starting again somewhere new.</p><p> </p><p>I'm not sure if counseling is really the answer for that...</p><p> </p><p>I stay because I am still crazy in love with him. If I stopped feeling that way...? I'd be right where you are now.</p><p> </p><p>I guess you need to decide what is best for you. </p><p> </p><p>(((hugs))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DaisyFace, post: 357323, member: 6546"] EW-- Let me first say that I am so sorry to hear your pain. Second, I have no experience with an addicted spouse...well, at least not anything that counts as a "serious" addiction. husband was a smoker. And while that's legal and socially acceptable and nobody bats an eye--it was a problem. We've been poor. And I mean PO! (When you're so poor you can't even afford the O and the R--PO!) husband knew we couldn't afford the cigarettes...and so he would announce that he was quitting. Meanwhile, he'd still be smoking--now he was just lying about it. Alternatively, he would seriously try to quit--by turning to snacking instead. And to feed either of these habits, he needed to spend, spend, spend... He would take cash out of our grocery money to buy cigarettes. When I put a stop to that--he ran up our credit cards. I can remember getting a bill for a CC that I thought had no balance....and there was a bill for nearly $300 because he had used the card almost every single day to buy something! He bought snacks, smokes, lunches out--every day! I yelled. I screamed! He apologized....and went right back out and did the exact same thing the next day. I took away his credit cards...thinking I had solved the problem. Then I discovered that husband figured out a way to get advances on his paychecks.... Every week, his check was less and less than it should have been because he would get an advance and spend it...on cigarettes, snacks, meals, candy--every day! Today, honestly...I still don't trust him with money. I handle all of our finances. All of the credit cards are in my name. I often think about how much further ahead in life I might be if I hadn't spent all these years constantly putting out the financial "fires" caused by all this excess spending. And yes, I too, have often fantasized about running away...just going...starting again somewhere new. I'm not sure if counseling is really the answer for that... I stay because I am still crazy in love with him. If I stopped feeling that way...? I'd be right where you are now. I guess you need to decide what is best for you. (((hugs)))) [/QUOTE]
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