Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by slsh, Dec 24, 2008.

  1. slsh

    slsh member since 1999


    I could just throttle my kid. Just when I think I've mastered the art of detachment, when I am "zen" and can handle anything - blammo. I maintained, didn't blow, didn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that he'd *really* crawled under my skin but honestly? I am angrier and more hurt than I've been in I don't know how long. What *really* has my fur ruffled is that he's hurt his siblings too. It's just a really lousy way for him to behave. Even though I know it wouldn't make a darn bit of difference, gosh.... I would so love to give him a rather large piece of my mind. But I won't, not ever. He doesn't get to know how hurt we are.

    He isn't coming home for Christmas. Called today to ask if he could go to a peer's (housemate's) house for Christmas. Too "inconvenient" for him to come home since he didn't get to do it his way (i.e. miss school). But he can go to who knows who's house to spend a family holiday with anyone *but* his family.

    We've schlepped all over the darn Chicago area for 9 doggone years, bearing gifts, braving snow storms, fighting hours-long traffic jams, doing everything we could to maintain a sense of family in spite of all the garbage he's pulled. I never expected a "thank you" but I sure as heck didn't expect this blatant.... I don't know what you'd even call it but it Hoovers majorly.

    Diva is going to be absolutely *devastated*. She worships the ground thank you walks on, tho' I don't know why given all he's put her through. He is such a careless human being and I am disappointed in him beyond words.

    Ugh. Sorry. I just had to spew - I feel like I could just explode right now. I need to get over it, in record speed, so that we can make sure to do our very best to make it a good holiday for the other kids. Must keep it light and airy, joyful, with gratitude for the blessings we do have.

    thank you just doesn't get what he's throwing away, you know?
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'd say at his point, he's on his own. And what you said above- that is it in a nutshell, in my humble opinion. I don't blame you for being hurt and annoyed and fed up. Mine isn't old enough for me to have experienced this part of things yet, but my inexperienced opinion is that he can keep on going for a while- not disown him, but I don't think I'd bother trying to get him home for birthdays, holidays, or any special events for a few years. Seriously, he needs to get to a point where HE misses his family and the traditions, etc. Obviously, he isn't appreciating that right now.

    I'm sorry- he's just being selfish.
  3. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    I wonder what goes through their minds as they are so carelessly living in their own self involved bubble. Do they really not care? Are they incapable of feeling any of the loyalty that we have shown to them, towards us? I don't get it either. My daughter is by far the most selfish person I have ever known. I guess I'm not alone. :( I am so sorry that your son hurt you and your family. Try not to give him the power to ruin your holiday, he does not deserve it. You and the rest of your family deserve to be joyful and free of the roller coaster. I know that is much easier said than done. I am trying to do the same. It's hard. Kudos to you for not engaging into a battle that will only end up with you hurting even more than you do now.

    Spike some egg-nog, that will help lighten the mood. LOL

    Enjoy and God bless. :)
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Even the Grinch figured it out in the end. Tried so hard to hurt the Whos but their strength and love won over him in the end. I would let him make the next contact - the ball is in his court now.

    I am so sorry this has to be so hard. If your daughter is really angry, ask her to write it down and send it to him. Sometimes the words of a child goes further than we give them credit for.

    My easy child is working really hard to cut strings. I just keep getting the glue out and regluing whereever possible. I never know which holiday will be our last with her.

    I hope you were able to put this back onto him and make a great Christmas for the other kids.
  5. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    Awww, slsh, I'm so sorry thank you has decided not to come home for Christmas. Knowing how you have driven through snowstorms and everything else to always have the family together, I can only imagine how hurt and furious you are. This board auntie would like to throttle him too. :(

    Despite it all, try to enjoy your holiday. Detach as much as possible from it, though I'm sure it yanked at your heart. His decision, so I guess all you can do is let him have his day - apart from family. Hopefully he'll realize what he missed out on.

    Hugs and Merry Christmas to you and your family,
  6. ML

    ML Guest

    You are doing the best you can. Trying to process the profound hurt while embracing the blessings and enjoying the day with the younger kids. My money is on thank you eventually getting it. I can't believe that the investment of unconditional love won't evenutally yield dividends, the market is just in a downward turn right now. Please hang in there and know that your parenting journey helps all of us. Love, ML
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. You have such willpower, not to go off on him, esp as he is hurting his sister.

    Leaving the ball in his court, and maybe making visits to him ONLY when it is uber-convenient to YOU and the ENTIRE rest of the family might be one course of action. I can honestly say I would probably not give permission for my child to go ANYWHERE not totally necessary for a long time after treating the family like this. Esp if the facility he is in needs your permission to take him out or let him go to someone else's home.

    Hugs, and a band-aid for your banged-up mommy heart.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry. I completely get your anger. I think you are handling it really well but it still hurts incredibly. I do hope some day thank you gets it. ((((hugs))))
  9. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It's so frustrating because you want so much for them to have these memories and these connections to pull on later in life. We want them to enjoy and not regret.

    I hope you guys ended up with a wonderful family Christmas despite his antics.