group asked interesting questions

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Tiredof33, Mar 8, 2012.

  1. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    I visited a support group meeting at a church. They were friendly and invited me back knowing that I do not follow their all of their beliefs.

    The question was asked do more of boys fall into the difficult child category than girls? Statistics show they do, but why?
    I have wonder about this myself, the girls in my family do much better that the boys. I discussed this with a family member, role models? Definitely in my son's case, but my daughter had the same father and she turned her life around. But she was always more disciplined than my son. Boys will be boys attitude??

    I think we have more of a tendency to help the girls stay off the streets (fear of rape etc) also girls mature faster than boys AND if pregnant the females can get welfare etc. 37 yo girlie (son's) is on disability and that is how she was getting all of the pain pills. She certainly didn't appear to be disabled the one time I met her lol!!!

    The group was a huge follower of the Allison Bottke 'Boundaries' series. I guess she had an online support group. Her book was started when her son was on the most wanted list. He was just released from prison and he has now found God, and after his release he has moved in with his mother. A. Bottke asked on her Website if her followers thought she was enabling.

    I do!! Once he was released and proven himself it's a different story! Maybe I'm being a little hard on her, but I don't think she is following the advice she gives in her books. I would never bother to post my opinion on her site, but I think they are!!!!
  2. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well, having two girls who are difficult children, I can't offer any insight as to whether boys are more likely to be difficult children! I sometimes think that girls are more likely to be "closet" difficult children, ala the "Mean Girl" syndrome. Maybe it's harder for people (i.e., non-family members) to believe that girls/women can be difficult children , they look so sweet and innocent on the outside...

    Interesting that Bottke let her son move back in after he was released. Without knowing the specific circumstances, I can't offer an opinion as to whether it's enabling. If she's offered him a short-term place to stay until he gets himself settled back into his life, that's one thing. If she's given him an open-ended invitation, that's another. I'm just extremely skeptical of difficult children and their manipulative tactics. Jaded, I guess. I found her book very helpful, though.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Interesting question. I think boys are out there in their behaviors. What you see is what you get. They dont tend to hide their issues well. Girls on the other hand, can be manipulative and secretive. They can play golden child to the world while tormenting the living daylights out of their family. I have had therapists tell me they would much rather deal with boys than girls because boys are easier to work with. Girls are sneaky. If a boy is going to run, he heads out the front door. A girl will stage her bed so it looks like she is asleep in it and then slip out the window.
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Girls also have a higher pressure to fit it (or at least look like it). Boys are taught more to express themselves, be themselves, etc etc etc. While girls are taught this on one level, on another level they're taught to only be themselves within a certain range, and that pressure may keep a rein on many girls with difficult child-tendencies to some degree.

    ETA: Let's not forget the effects of testosterone, too.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Boys normally are more "in your face". Girls tend to be more secretive and manipulative.

    Of course there are always exceptions. Nichole was "in your face". lol She was somewhat secretive, but not manipulative. (thank heavens)

    But I don't really think boys outweigh the girls in gfgdom. Seems pretty even to me.
  6. keista

    keista New Member

    Statistically, boys are more apt to have ADHD and Autism than girls are. Although these conditions don't necessarily mean the child is a difficult child, they increase the possibility, so yeah, I do think there are more boy difficult children than girl difficult children.
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Maybe its just that boys are more the kind of difficult child that sends parents running to support groups? Generally... the really extreme "behavior" is considered more of a "boy" thing. But if you look at the full cross-section of significant problem dxes... I don't think anyone can definitively say that more difficult children are boys. Is a girl with anorexia any less of a difficult child than a boy on drugs? (and no, it isn't necessarily gender-specific with either one of those possibilities... just another example of stereotypes). I really think it depends on how you define "difficult child".
  8. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    I had not thought of anorexia being a difficult child problem!! One of my sister's friends had been over weight as a child. Her mother passed away when her brother was born and at only 5 years older she practically raised him. She had a PHD in education and was in many hospital treatment programs.
    She was fired from her job, never married, couldn't be cured, and died at 40yo from the complications.

    Just as sad and stressful as my difficult child!!!