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Guess he doesn't think he's hurt me enough
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<blockquote data-quote="Big Bad Kitty" data-source="post: 91997" data-attributes="member: 3647"><p>Karen,</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry that you are hurting. Let me tell you a little something about your H. He does not think he is hurting you. Here is his logic:</p><p></p><p>~You filed for divorce (never mind what HE did. this is his mind working now). That must mean that you are over him. </p><p>~Because, in his mind, the way to get over things, is to move forward, not grieve what is lost. </p><p>~He thinks that is what you are doing. He is equating you filing with him getting a "g/f".</p><p>~Remember, the affair does not count. </p><p>~So, since in the past couple days, he told easy child about the g/f, and he knows that YOU know about the g/f, and now you filed, he is figuring OK, this is how it is going to be. And everybody seems OK with this.</p><p>~He believes that this is the new set-up, and since you are not calling him to "please come back", instead you filed, you MUST BE OK with what he is doing.</p><p>~So he tries to make it like you are his new BFF Karen. Oh let's talk all about the new g/f.</p><p>~He does not get that you are grieving. He does not grieve. He does not understand that you are.</p><p>~There is guilt in there. He does feel guilty to a degree. In a way, he is waiting for you to tell him that this is OK with you.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I really don't think he gets how his actions are affecting you. He sees that you moved on (by getting the new place and filing) and since your head is held high, instead of calling him constantly and begging him to take you back, he figures that you are over him. HE may be hurt!! Here you got past him (in his mind), and you didn't even need a b/f to do it.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I am so sorry that you are hurting. Gentle hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Big Bad Kitty, post: 91997, member: 3647"] Karen, I am so sorry that you are hurting. Let me tell you a little something about your H. He does not think he is hurting you. Here is his logic: ~You filed for divorce (never mind what HE did. this is his mind working now). That must mean that you are over him. ~Because, in his mind, the way to get over things, is to move forward, not grieve what is lost. ~He thinks that is what you are doing. He is equating you filing with him getting a "g/f". ~Remember, the affair does not count. ~So, since in the past couple days, he told easy child about the g/f, and he knows that YOU know about the g/f, and now you filed, he is figuring OK, this is how it is going to be. And everybody seems OK with this. ~He believes that this is the new set-up, and since you are not calling him to "please come back", instead you filed, you MUST BE OK with what he is doing. ~So he tries to make it like you are his new BFF Karen. Oh let's talk all about the new g/f. ~He does not get that you are grieving. He does not grieve. He does not understand that you are. ~There is guilt in there. He does feel guilty to a degree. In a way, he is waiting for you to tell him that this is OK with you. I really don't think he gets how his actions are affecting you. He sees that you moved on (by getting the new place and filing) and since your head is held high, instead of calling him constantly and begging him to take you back, he figures that you are over him. HE may be hurt!! Here you got past him (in his mind), and you didn't even need a b/f to do it. I am so sorry that you are hurting. Gentle hugs. [/QUOTE]
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