Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Guess Who Came to Dinner....
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 682127" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Ponygirl</p><p> This is probably true........or she does not even remember her actions, in a fit of rage,<em> or on something</em>. This does not excuse it.</p><p></p><p>Now I am remembering that Hoku did speak with Tornado about making amends, but her focus was more on the list of "reasons" and blaming she resorts to so often that it has become a broken record of sorts, tapes reeling over and over again to justify her choices.</p><p></p><p>I am working at <em>my reaction</em> emotionally. Reading some articles on detachment, and turning resentment into forgiveness. Forgiveness for my daughters actions,<em> but also for my own peace of mind. </em>The struggle really is mine, to let go and let God. Resentment only ties me to the past, ties me to the problem, but if I let go of that, then I can move forward.</p><p>What I am struggling with is being able to love my two and protect my heart at the same time. I have always loved them, but have been too emotionally attached to their choices.</p><p>Meaning, I will feel myself synchronistically going down with them as they stumble and fall along the path.</p><p>This is not only unnecessary, but unhealthy for all of us in the long run.</p><p>If I were able to see past the addictions and choices, the hurts and reactions and see the person behind the addiction, I wouldn't be so emotionally effected. (In theory, at least)</p><p></p><p>Okay, this seems really contrary, but it is something I read and it kind of makes sense.</p><p></p><p>"That is the addiction talking, not the person."</p><p>It is not an excuse for bad behavior, <em>rather a reality that frees me from feeling such hurt, pain and resentment. </em></p><p>So instead of saying "who does that, my daughter does.."</p><p></p><p>I can say, that is not my true daughter speaking, it is her addiction. </p><p>It makes it way easier to let go of all of the emotions attached to the drama addiction causes.</p><p></p><p>It doesn't mean I am condoning the choices and wrongful behavior, I just don't need to let it <em>bother and consume me</em>. It sounds kind of uncaring and cavalier, doesn't it?</p><p>But how freeing, really, if I can just say, that is addiction speaking. </p><p>Brush myself off and carry on......</p><p></p><p> Thank you Ponygirl. I am sorry, too. </p><p>But, I am trying to learn from this. </p><p>Really, I wish better for my two, but I am a separate person, my dreams are my dreams and theirs are theirs.</p><p></p><p>I worked hard at raising them in some difficult situations with my hubs, made some mistakes in parenting for sure, but life is messy sometimes and nobody is perfect.</p><p>So, I will have to focus on my dreams for myself, and let my beloved children figure out what they want in life.</p><p>If I can successfully work on detaching emotionally, then I will not be so bound to their addictive choices, and can love them anyway, without fear of being, well,<em> broken.</em></p><p></p><p>Easy to write about, hard to practice.</p><p></p><p>Thank you so much for your response.</p><p>Wishing us all peace of mind and heart......</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 682127, member: 19522"] Hi Ponygirl This is probably true........or she does not even remember her actions, in a fit of rage,[I] or on something[/I]. This does not excuse it. Now I am remembering that Hoku did speak with Tornado about making amends, but her focus was more on the list of "reasons" and blaming she resorts to so often that it has become a broken record of sorts, tapes reeling over and over again to justify her choices. I am working at [I]my reaction[/I] emotionally. Reading some articles on detachment, and turning resentment into forgiveness. Forgiveness for my daughters actions,[I] but also for my own peace of mind. [/I]The struggle really is mine, to let go and let God. Resentment only ties me to the past, ties me to the problem, but if I let go of that, then I can move forward. What I am struggling with is being able to love my two and protect my heart at the same time. I have always loved them, but have been too emotionally attached to their choices. Meaning, I will feel myself synchronistically going down with them as they stumble and fall along the path. This is not only unnecessary, but unhealthy for all of us in the long run. If I were able to see past the addictions and choices, the hurts and reactions and see the person behind the addiction, I wouldn't be so emotionally effected. (In theory, at least) Okay, this seems really contrary, but it is something I read and it kind of makes sense. "That is the addiction talking, not the person." It is not an excuse for bad behavior, [I]rather a reality that frees me from feeling such hurt, pain and resentment. [/I] So instead of saying "who does that, my daughter does.." I can say, that is not my true daughter speaking, it is her addiction. It makes it way easier to let go of all of the emotions attached to the drama addiction causes. It doesn't mean I am condoning the choices and wrongful behavior, I just don't need to let it [I]bother and consume me[/I]. It sounds kind of uncaring and cavalier, doesn't it? But how freeing, really, if I can just say, that is addiction speaking. Brush myself off and carry on...... Thank you Ponygirl. I am sorry, too. But, I am trying to learn from this. Really, I wish better for my two, but I am a separate person, my dreams are my dreams and theirs are theirs. I worked hard at raising them in some difficult situations with my hubs, made some mistakes in parenting for sure, but life is messy sometimes and nobody is perfect. So, I will have to focus on my dreams for myself, and let my beloved children figure out what they want in life. If I can successfully work on detaching emotionally, then I will not be so bound to their addictive choices, and can love them anyway, without fear of being, well,[I] broken.[/I] Easy to write about, hard to practice. Thank you so much for your response. Wishing us all peace of mind and heart...... (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Guess Who Came to Dinner....
Top