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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 414276"><p>I totally relate to the "guilt" you feel. I have at times when I intensley wished I could start over with my difficult child. I can't tell you exactly what I would do differently but if I could start over with what I know now about him as an almost adult man I am sure I would be a better parent. When I am at that place of wishing a do-over, it hurts and it makes me sad and I feel guilt and get hung up on the shoulds. None of that ever did me any good. One of the things I have heard in al-anon which has really helped me is you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it. This is so true.</p><p></p><p>And I realize when I really sit and think about it, yes there are things I could have done differently or better but I really don't know if those things would have made any difference. Really I don't. My son has his issues and he turned to drugs to cope with them. Could I have somehow prevented that? I really don't know, I kind of think not. But it doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter at all how he got to the place he is now.. It is what it is!!!</p><p></p><p>I do know, like Star mentioned, that I did the absolute best I could at the time with what I knew then. And that is what I need to continue to do now, be the best mom I can be, love him, be there for him in ways that are appropriate for him now (without enabling him). That is all I can do.</p><p></p><p>It is time to find a way to let go of the guilty. It does not serve you or serve your child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 414276"] I totally relate to the "guilt" you feel. I have at times when I intensley wished I could start over with my difficult child. I can't tell you exactly what I would do differently but if I could start over with what I know now about him as an almost adult man I am sure I would be a better parent. When I am at that place of wishing a do-over, it hurts and it makes me sad and I feel guilt and get hung up on the shoulds. None of that ever did me any good. One of the things I have heard in al-anon which has really helped me is you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it. This is so true. And I realize when I really sit and think about it, yes there are things I could have done differently or better but I really don't know if those things would have made any difference. Really I don't. My son has his issues and he turned to drugs to cope with them. Could I have somehow prevented that? I really don't know, I kind of think not. But it doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter at all how he got to the place he is now.. It is what it is!!! I do know, like Star mentioned, that I did the absolute best I could at the time with what I knew then. And that is what I need to continue to do now, be the best mom I can be, love him, be there for him in ways that are appropriate for him now (without enabling him). That is all I can do. It is time to find a way to let go of the guilty. It does not serve you or serve your child. [/QUOTE]
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