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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 414280" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>A skilled, if unorthodox therapist, who once mediated in a meeting between my (neglectful, verbally and emotionally abusive, etc, father) gave me a rather unconventional take on this, which I have often thought of since. At one point, my father said to me "I did my best". The therapist turned to him and said, "No, whatever you did, it was not your best..."</p><p>And I think this is right. Sometimes in life we do not do our best and we know it. There is a very particular sadness that comes with that and with it a kind of determination not to repeat the mistake. Blame and guilt are, ultimately, and as we all recognise, futile and irrelevant feelings - but sometimes there is just a "seeing" that we have failed ourselves and others. And I honestly and truly do think that this guilt is part of the human condition and that without it we would not be fully human...</p><p>So I for my part understand your sorrow. I do not say you should not feel it. In meeting the present as wholly as one can, the past can lose some, maybe even all, of its sting...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 414280, member: 11227"] A skilled, if unorthodox therapist, who once mediated in a meeting between my (neglectful, verbally and emotionally abusive, etc, father) gave me a rather unconventional take on this, which I have often thought of since. At one point, my father said to me "I did my best". The therapist turned to him and said, "No, whatever you did, it was not your best..." And I think this is right. Sometimes in life we do not do our best and we know it. There is a very particular sadness that comes with that and with it a kind of determination not to repeat the mistake. Blame and guilt are, ultimately, and as we all recognise, futile and irrelevant feelings - but sometimes there is just a "seeing" that we have failed ourselves and others. And I honestly and truly do think that this guilt is part of the human condition and that without it we would not be fully human... So I for my part understand your sorrow. I do not say you should not feel it. In meeting the present as wholly as one can, the past can lose some, maybe even all, of its sting... [/QUOTE]
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