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The Watercooler
H & his sobriety
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<blockquote data-quote="busywend" data-source="post: 111232" data-attributes="member: 391"><p>Jo, you are a wise woman to be so in tune to what is going on in your relationship and with your husband himself. </p><p></p><p>I think some of what you describe is just 'men' in general. The lack of friends and social outings as they age seems to be fairly common. I am sure not being able to have a social drink has caused him to go to an extreme with it though. The venting to you alone and talking about work - I just think it is how men process their lives. </p><p></p><p>The constant talking and venting to you alone is part of a marriage I would guess. I think at times it is more draining than other times. That is a small gift to give your husband - listening. Even if it takes effort. I have found participating in the conversation makes it much easier to listen to the same story over and over. This is a partnership. </p><p></p><p>As far as you having girlfriends to talk with as well - TOTALLY NECESSARY! It is one of the differences between men and women, I believe. We NEED the other people in our lives, especially the women friends. </p><p></p><p>Now, the thing that really strikes me as being a problem is that husband used to be social with you and your friends and he is no longer. That is a problem. It is a change. You married husband as a person that supported you and accompanied you to these social outings. That probably added to the love you have for him. This one is worth talking about. You both need to understand the others point of view on this topic. This is the one thing in your post that I can see being a long term issue. </p><p></p><p>The other annoyances, I tend to think are normal and part of getting older. Even him being a grump or as boyfriend says it, "I am becoming an old curmudgeon (sp)." or "I am becoming my dad." </p><p>It is important for him to be aware of this as well and to want to not be a grump. </p><p></p><p>Do you think husband was a self-medicator with alcohol? Do you think he could have some anxiety or depression lurking?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="busywend, post: 111232, member: 391"] Jo, you are a wise woman to be so in tune to what is going on in your relationship and with your husband himself. I think some of what you describe is just 'men' in general. The lack of friends and social outings as they age seems to be fairly common. I am sure not being able to have a social drink has caused him to go to an extreme with it though. The venting to you alone and talking about work - I just think it is how men process their lives. The constant talking and venting to you alone is part of a marriage I would guess. I think at times it is more draining than other times. That is a small gift to give your husband - listening. Even if it takes effort. I have found participating in the conversation makes it much easier to listen to the same story over and over. This is a partnership. As far as you having girlfriends to talk with as well - TOTALLY NECESSARY! It is one of the differences between men and women, I believe. We NEED the other people in our lives, especially the women friends. Now, the thing that really strikes me as being a problem is that husband used to be social with you and your friends and he is no longer. That is a problem. It is a change. You married husband as a person that supported you and accompanied you to these social outings. That probably added to the love you have for him. This one is worth talking about. You both need to understand the others point of view on this topic. This is the one thing in your post that I can see being a long term issue. The other annoyances, I tend to think are normal and part of getting older. Even him being a grump or as boyfriend says it, "I am becoming an old curmudgeon (sp)." or "I am becoming my dad." It is important for him to be aware of this as well and to want to not be a grump. Do you think husband was a self-medicator with alcohol? Do you think he could have some anxiety or depression lurking? [/QUOTE]
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