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H & his sobriety
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 111233" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: busywend</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Do you think husband was a self-medicator with alcohol? Do you think he could have some anxiety or depression lurking? </div></div></p><p></p><p>Yes!! Definitely!! He has had depression for as long as I've known him and he definitely used alcohol as a form of self medicating. He does not feel that he has used alcohol as self medicating - he feels that his alcohol abuse was simply a product of the home he grew up in and the way our generation was about drinking except that while others learned how to temper their drinking, he can't stop once he's gotten started. </p><p></p><p>When my H is lubed up on alcohol he is the most social, friendliest, happiest, most outgoing, nicest, lovey-dovey guy in the world. He sings, serenades me, dances with me, hugs me, tells me why he loves me and just wants to have a good ol' time.</p><p></p><p>When H is not drinking, he's cranky, tends to shy away from the center of attention and social situations in general, never holds my hand or hugs me and if he does it's almost in like a secret way, as if he doesn't want anyone to see or he's embarrassed by his show of affection. He doesn't listen to music or dance, etc. </p><p></p><p>I want the guy who's more open, friendly, lovey-dovey, affectionate - all those things, without the alcohol. </p><p></p><p>Everything else you said is true and makes sense. I know that it's mostly H and me and I should be expected to be the good listener and I am. I do interject my thoughts and I actually listen very well and am very patient considering I listen to the SAME exact story each and every night. It's just getting difficult to always listen to H complain constantly about everything and everyone everyday and never do anything to change anything. Know what I mean??? H does joke that he's turning into his dad. Most of the time he reminds me of his mom to be honest - the woman is an absolute downer and drifts in and out of reality. Some scary stuff going on there. It freaks me out thought that H has no other outlets for himself. He works, eats and sleeps. When he's off from work, like this week, he is climbing the walls, creating reasons to go to a job or check up on a worker. He was angry that his helper went to Delaware for the holiday week! He kept saying, "I don't know why Jim had to go to Delaware? I mean, why couldn't he do that in the summer or some other time. I hate Christmastime and I hate when it falls in the middle of the week like this...." blah blah blah.</p><p>It's just getting old, that's all. And I feel at a loss as to what I can do to help H feel better.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 111233, member: 2211"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: busywend</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Do you think husband was a self-medicator with alcohol? Do you think he could have some anxiety or depression lurking? </div></div> Yes!! Definitely!! He has had depression for as long as I've known him and he definitely used alcohol as a form of self medicating. He does not feel that he has used alcohol as self medicating - he feels that his alcohol abuse was simply a product of the home he grew up in and the way our generation was about drinking except that while others learned how to temper their drinking, he can't stop once he's gotten started. When my H is lubed up on alcohol he is the most social, friendliest, happiest, most outgoing, nicest, lovey-dovey guy in the world. He sings, serenades me, dances with me, hugs me, tells me why he loves me and just wants to have a good ol' time. When H is not drinking, he's cranky, tends to shy away from the center of attention and social situations in general, never holds my hand or hugs me and if he does it's almost in like a secret way, as if he doesn't want anyone to see or he's embarrassed by his show of affection. He doesn't listen to music or dance, etc. I want the guy who's more open, friendly, lovey-dovey, affectionate - all those things, without the alcohol. Everything else you said is true and makes sense. I know that it's mostly H and me and I should be expected to be the good listener and I am. I do interject my thoughts and I actually listen very well and am very patient considering I listen to the SAME exact story each and every night. It's just getting difficult to always listen to H complain constantly about everything and everyone everyday and never do anything to change anything. Know what I mean??? H does joke that he's turning into his dad. Most of the time he reminds me of his mom to be honest - the woman is an absolute downer and drifts in and out of reality. Some scary stuff going on there. It freaks me out thought that H has no other outlets for himself. He works, eats and sleeps. When he's off from work, like this week, he is climbing the walls, creating reasons to go to a job or check up on a worker. He was angry that his helper went to Delaware for the holiday week! He kept saying, "I don't know why Jim had to go to Delaware? I mean, why couldn't he do that in the summer or some other time. I hate Christmastime and I hate when it falls in the middle of the week like this...." blah blah blah. It's just getting old, that's all. And I feel at a loss as to what I can do to help H feel better. [/QUOTE]
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