H&R how's this week going?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DDD, Oct 4, 2011.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I've been thinking of you today and hoping you're feeling better and things have calmed down. DDD
  2. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Hi DDD, thanks for asking. About an hour ago I would have said 'pretty darned good' lol, but H and I just argued over thanksgiving! Ridiculous, but since his mom is going to Pittsburgh to be with brother in law now H wants us to go. I finally got over that and was fine with it, brother in law arranged for us to stay with his friends for free so I asked H if we were going to fly. He blew up at me and said it would be nice if I chipped in for the fix. I can't. I have birthdays and holidays coming up and then I will be out of work for 8 weeks. I need to be very careful with money the next few months and he knows that.

    At that point he basically said that I've been a total stress ball and that I shouldn't go to school because it stresses me out! Omg, it's HIM. I told him it was him and his P/A bs. It was ugly for a few minutes because it's just a ridiculous argument - why oh why do I allow myself to keep getting pulled in?!

    After we came home he came over and hugged me, that's his way of apologizing for being a turd. I let it go,it was just one of those moments.

    Other than that, school is fine,work is okay, the medications are helping me to sleep and I think I even feel a bit of a change from the Prozac. I am very sensitive to medications so it's not surprising-they usually kick in fast for me. Yay.

    One more week till therapist time, can't wait. Thanks again for asking, very thoughtful of you. I'm okay.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    So sorry about the fight but glad the medications seem to be working.

    I have always thought it somewhat odd the way you and your H separate your money but after the conversation I just had with Jamie about the fiasco his fiances are in, I sure wish he would do it that way with his wife! She just ran threw all their money and left them over $600 in the red and now they cant come down this coming weekend to see the new baby. Im wondering if there wasnt something P/A in that?
  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Today, even moreso, I can feel a difference in my sleep and overall ability to function, which is great!

    Re: the money. I WISH H and I could just pool our money together and work off a household account. We've tried a few times, but it never works out the way it should. Primarily because H is self employed and uses his account as an overflow account for materials he may need. He's more recently turned to his AMEX card for those types of things, but he still uses his personal account in this fashion. We once set up an account designated solely for household use (utilitites, mortgage, food) but it never worked out primarily because I have my bills set up on a schedule for payment and H does not. He pays "his" bills when he has the money, which for the most part monthly. I pay mine twice a month - half on the 1st and half on the 15th. I would surrender everything to H except it would drive me crazy to see bills go past the due date and then hear him complain about late fees. When he complains about being charged late fees I used to say, "Maybe the payment crossed in the mail...you should either make the payment earlier or pay on line" to which he would refuse to believe (or understand?). He thinks his identity will be stolen if he sets up any payments on line. He checks his account on line, but doesn't seem to realize that it's safe for him to pay his bills on line as well. I gave up.

    Bottom line is that when it comes to money, I need to be better disciplined about my balances and spending frivolously. I'm working on it.

    And yes, I do think Jamie's wife was acting P/A - definitely!
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Money is a huge issue right now and I'm really dreading having a long sit down with husband. He is really a wonderful man and just does not cope with "reality stress" very well. I'm in charge of business and he is in charge of home. It's worked out for years...until this year. He made some really poor choices on the qt, business is way way off and I have just discovered that he has placed two big orders in October that I don't have the resources to cover.

    I'm totally dreading this "share it all" moment. Totally! Frankly I think we are going to tank. He doesn't seem to get it. Yikes, I don't need this and fully understand the differences between you and husband. Totally. Hugs. DDD