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Had dinner with my daughter 2 weeks ago
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 651684" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>She's too old to be a brat. She is telling you that she WILL take drugs, doesn't want your input, and doesn't want you around all the time. You have no choice, but to respect that. I don't know if you talk to her about her lifestyle, but many of us have better luck connecting with our Difficult Child when we accept their lifestyle, as rotten or as immoral as WE find it, and do not discuss it with them. Did you ask about the drugs or bring it up when you were with her? Personally, I wouldn't. There is no point. You may try leaving that out of your conversation entirely next time she contacts you.</p><p></p><p>I would not text her about your relationship. She will not respect you at all if she thinks you are waiting by the phone for her or desperate to see her. She needs to know you have your own life without her, although you probably should not contact her at all until she contacts you.</p><p></p><p>Are you getting any therapy? Going to Al-Anon? Seeing a private therapist to teach you coping skills during this time and teaching you how to nurture yourself? I think that is VERY important. You can learn to live a wonderful, fun life in spite of your daughter's behavior toward you. She is not you. You are two separate people and many of us have already had to accept that things are not as we wanted them to be with our child, but, man, life is fantastic anyway!!!!!! Many of us are already there and we strive to stay there every day. It gets easier with time and once we accept we can't change our difficult kids. And once we admit they really aren't much fun or very nice people either...we love them, but we don't always like them.</p><p></p><p>It does no good to overthink how much we did for our kids when they were growing up. That is our job and responsibility when we decide to have a baby. We raise them until eighteen with no guarantee that they will appreciate us or want us in their lives. You did the right thing and she is now on her own doing what she needs to do, right or wrong. And you can only change yourself and your reaction to her. You can not change her. You can not make her feel grateful to you. Put "radical acceptance" into a search engine and read about it. It is a lifesaver for many of us.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and hoping to hear you got help for yourself. Be good to YOU. YOU should be your own best friend.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 651684, member: 1550"] She's too old to be a brat. She is telling you that she WILL take drugs, doesn't want your input, and doesn't want you around all the time. You have no choice, but to respect that. I don't know if you talk to her about her lifestyle, but many of us have better luck connecting with our Difficult Child when we accept their lifestyle, as rotten or as immoral as WE find it, and do not discuss it with them. Did you ask about the drugs or bring it up when you were with her? Personally, I wouldn't. There is no point. You may try leaving that out of your conversation entirely next time she contacts you. I would not text her about your relationship. She will not respect you at all if she thinks you are waiting by the phone for her or desperate to see her. She needs to know you have your own life without her, although you probably should not contact her at all until she contacts you. Are you getting any therapy? Going to Al-Anon? Seeing a private therapist to teach you coping skills during this time and teaching you how to nurture yourself? I think that is VERY important. You can learn to live a wonderful, fun life in spite of your daughter's behavior toward you. She is not you. You are two separate people and many of us have already had to accept that things are not as we wanted them to be with our child, but, man, life is fantastic anyway!!!!!! Many of us are already there and we strive to stay there every day. It gets easier with time and once we accept we can't change our difficult kids. And once we admit they really aren't much fun or very nice people either...we love them, but we don't always like them. It does no good to overthink how much we did for our kids when they were growing up. That is our job and responsibility when we decide to have a baby. We raise them until eighteen with no guarantee that they will appreciate us or want us in their lives. You did the right thing and she is now on her own doing what she needs to do, right or wrong. And you can only change yourself and your reaction to her. You can not change her. You can not make her feel grateful to you. Put "radical acceptance" into a search engine and read about it. It is a lifesaver for many of us. Hugs and hoping to hear you got help for yourself. Be good to YOU. YOU should be your own best friend. [/QUOTE]
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Had dinner with my daughter 2 weeks ago
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