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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 198463" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>In this one, I don't blame the family, I blame L. They opted to not tell you. Fine, that's their right. L, however, is totally out of line. That young woman needs a dose of reality. She knew, she opted to not tell you and then tried to make you feel guilty for not knowing. Sorry, sweets, you don't get it both ways.</p><p> </p><p>You have a right to be hurt. Regardless of how angry your family is at you, this is your father. You had a rigfht to know and do as you felt was appropriate. I don't even understand this kind of petty vindictiveness. But, that's their problem. If something does happen to your parents, you may find out after the fact, but you will find out and you'll be able to mourn. Maybe not the way you want or should, but you will. </p><p> </p><p>L needs to quit "fixing" because she's not even tryng to fix. She's trying to hurt you and doing a dang good job of it. Don't let her. Give her the choice -- have a loving mother who has been disowned by her family or a mother who will walk away each and every time that family is mentioned. Tell L that if your family wants you to join them, they can ask for your phone number and contact you themselves. Otherwse, they will not be discussed around you. She can "fix it" at the other end. If she mentions the family, leave, stop the car and have her get out, hang up the phone, whatever. Make that topic completely and totally off limits.</p><p> </p><p>Your family has lost out on a lot -- your warmth, your caring, your kindness, even your sense of humor. Ther loss. L needs to respect you. She shouldn't have to choose sides but she has no right to butt in. So, tell her to fix it from the other end. You've made your effort.</p><p> </p><p>For you, HUGS.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 198463, member: 3626"] In this one, I don't blame the family, I blame L. They opted to not tell you. Fine, that's their right. L, however, is totally out of line. That young woman needs a dose of reality. She knew, she opted to not tell you and then tried to make you feel guilty for not knowing. Sorry, sweets, you don't get it both ways. You have a right to be hurt. Regardless of how angry your family is at you, this is your father. You had a rigfht to know and do as you felt was appropriate. I don't even understand this kind of petty vindictiveness. But, that's their problem. If something does happen to your parents, you may find out after the fact, but you will find out and you'll be able to mourn. Maybe not the way you want or should, but you will. L needs to quit "fixing" because she's not even tryng to fix. She's trying to hurt you and doing a dang good job of it. Don't let her. Give her the choice -- have a loving mother who has been disowned by her family or a mother who will walk away each and every time that family is mentioned. Tell L that if your family wants you to join them, they can ask for your phone number and contact you themselves. Otherwse, they will not be discussed around you. She can "fix it" at the other end. If she mentions the family, leave, stop the car and have her get out, hang up the phone, whatever. Make that topic completely and totally off limits. Your family has lost out on a lot -- your warmth, your caring, your kindness, even your sense of humor. Ther loss. L needs to respect you. She shouldn't have to choose sides but she has no right to butt in. So, tell her to fix it from the other end. You've made your effort. For you, HUGS. [/QUOTE]
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