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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 198529" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>A point I have to clarify, and I know you will all understand because you 'get' the manipulativeness of family.</p><p></p><p>9.5 years ago, there had been a disagreement between me and my sister S because I did not want to pay for a 50th wedding anniversary for my parents because I was unemployed and husband had just started a new job and we had no money. <strong>And mostly</strong> because I knew my parents already intended to pay for it themselves, which S wouldn't hear. My parents chose sides with S, the golden girl, and letters and phone calls went flying to L about how awful I had been. My father and I had an argument in front of my mother about it. My mother said nothing, I told them to leave L & M out of it, and my father told me that he hoped I would die in an accident on my way home. I never heard a word from any of them again. I wrote to my brothers and sisters, asking for support or at least to talk, and never heard back.</p><p></p><p>At that time and so far as I know, despite their ages my parents are in very good health. My father could work and drink me under the table to this day. I had tried from time to time to work things out with my mother, but still in all those years I never heard from anyone of them again. I did hear from L what a disappointment I was to all of them. Nothing I said or did was good enough, she's a lawyer's daughter. She could never leave it alone.</p><p></p><p>What happened with L and the bypass is "the boy who cried wolf". All these nine years, L has told me to go to my father - who hates me so much that he walks out of major retail establishments if I walk in - and "just make up with him because he's old and he'll die soon and you'll regret it." At first I always verified his health and he was fine. Last winter I verified his health and he was fine. Mind you December's was a very (as per usual) manipulative conversation on L's part. She pushed and pushed and pushed. She said over and over that he had had his second knee surgery, and he was going to die <em>from it</em>. I eventually in exasperation - I mean after two or three hours - told her I was sick and tired of hearing that he might die. What if I die? I get blood clots for no reason. What if I get hit by a truck? If she is so concerned she should tell them to come to me, but I was sick of her manipulation that he might die and I had to make peace with him before he did. I told her to stop telling me he was going to die because she wasn't believable any more.</p><p></p><p>I have no idea as to how many weeks or months later he had a bypass. I'm guessing it was around the spring when she disappeared off the radar. Remember, I went to dinner with her dad to ask what was going on? Not a word from him either. Maybe he didn't know. She had successfully manipulated me into having to tell her in no uncertain terms to leave her imaginations about my father's health alone, then used it against me. I'm a total sucker, and I'm mad as he77. But it won't happen again. I'm under no illusions as to who manipulated whom, and why it was done. It was cruel and she can take her "Family is the most important thing in the world to me and if you won't be a part of yours your not good enough for me" and shove it where the sun don't shine.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 198529, member: 99"] A point I have to clarify, and I know you will all understand because you 'get' the manipulativeness of family. 9.5 years ago, there had been a disagreement between me and my sister S because I did not want to pay for a 50th wedding anniversary for my parents because I was unemployed and husband had just started a new job and we had no money. [B]And mostly[/B] because I knew my parents already intended to pay for it themselves, which S wouldn't hear. My parents chose sides with S, the golden girl, and letters and phone calls went flying to L about how awful I had been. My father and I had an argument in front of my mother about it. My mother said nothing, I told them to leave L & M out of it, and my father told me that he hoped I would die in an accident on my way home. I never heard a word from any of them again. I wrote to my brothers and sisters, asking for support or at least to talk, and never heard back. At that time and so far as I know, despite their ages my parents are in very good health. My father could work and drink me under the table to this day. I had tried from time to time to work things out with my mother, but still in all those years I never heard from anyone of them again. I did hear from L what a disappointment I was to all of them. Nothing I said or did was good enough, she's a lawyer's daughter. She could never leave it alone. What happened with L and the bypass is "the boy who cried wolf". All these nine years, L has told me to go to my father - who hates me so much that he walks out of major retail establishments if I walk in - and "just make up with him because he's old and he'll die soon and you'll regret it." At first I always verified his health and he was fine. Last winter I verified his health and he was fine. Mind you December's was a very (as per usual) manipulative conversation on L's part. She pushed and pushed and pushed. She said over and over that he had had his second knee surgery, and he was going to die [I]from it[/I]. I eventually in exasperation - I mean after two or three hours - told her I was sick and tired of hearing that he might die. What if I die? I get blood clots for no reason. What if I get hit by a truck? If she is so concerned she should tell them to come to me, but I was sick of her manipulation that he might die and I had to make peace with him before he did. I told her to stop telling me he was going to die because she wasn't believable any more. I have no idea as to how many weeks or months later he had a bypass. I'm guessing it was around the spring when she disappeared off the radar. Remember, I went to dinner with her dad to ask what was going on? Not a word from him either. Maybe he didn't know. She had successfully manipulated me into having to tell her in no uncertain terms to leave her imaginations about my father's health alone, then used it against me. I'm a total sucker, and I'm mad as he77. But it won't happen again. I'm under no illusions as to who manipulated whom, and why it was done. It was cruel and she can take her "Family is the most important thing in the world to me and if you won't be a part of yours your not good enough for me" and shove it where the sun don't shine. [/QUOTE]
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