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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 726230" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>I think the word invasive describes her behavior very well. It's clear that there is no respect for you. For her to say you are being nit picky is a manipulation tactic. She is transferring blame to you. This is a form of gas lighting.</p><p>My response to her about being picky would be something like "This has nothing to do with being picky, this has to do with respect for my home and my belongings. This is MY home, not yours and you are not to go through my things and if you can't abide by that then you can leave"</p><p></p><p></p><p>If it were me, there would be no next time. My son is not welcome in my house even when I'm home. He has completely destroyed my trust. The last time he was in my home I was so anxious. When I could not physically see him I would wonder what he was up to, was he in my bedroom going through stuff looking for money, what was he going to steal. That is no way to live.</p><p>Your daughter opening up mail and reading stuff in your office is a HUGE red flag to me. Even though they are our children, they can still be conniving. I would worry about what information she is viewing, such as bank account information, or finding your ss#. Just because they are difficult adult children does not mean they aren't smart.</p><p>One of the times my son was getting ready to be released from jail he said he needed my ss#. When I asked him what for he said it was to get a prison ID. I didn't believe him but called the prison just to verify. They told me this was something inmates would do and unsuspecting parents would give the information, it would then be sold to other inmates and used to steal identities.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Oh FB and social media. I have a love/hate relationship with it. I love it because it's a great way to keep in touch with people but when people use it to air their dirty laundry or as your daughter did, to just be mean and spew lies, it's not a good thing. My son has also posted ugly things about me that are not true. I learned that I needed to develop a thick skin. I know the truth and that is all that matters. As for what others choose to believe, I have no control. If someone chooses to believe the lies I have no room for them in my life.</p><p></p><p>One thing I can say is having gone through all I have with my son I have grown stronger. I'm stronger than I ever thought possible. Surviving an adult difficult child is not for the faint at heart!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 726230, member: 18516"] I think the word invasive describes her behavior very well. It's clear that there is no respect for you. For her to say you are being nit picky is a manipulation tactic. She is transferring blame to you. This is a form of gas lighting. My response to her about being picky would be something like "This has nothing to do with being picky, this has to do with respect for my home and my belongings. This is MY home, not yours and you are not to go through my things and if you can't abide by that then you can leave" If it were me, there would be no next time. My son is not welcome in my house even when I'm home. He has completely destroyed my trust. The last time he was in my home I was so anxious. When I could not physically see him I would wonder what he was up to, was he in my bedroom going through stuff looking for money, what was he going to steal. That is no way to live. Your daughter opening up mail and reading stuff in your office is a HUGE red flag to me. Even though they are our children, they can still be conniving. I would worry about what information she is viewing, such as bank account information, or finding your ss#. Just because they are difficult adult children does not mean they aren't smart. One of the times my son was getting ready to be released from jail he said he needed my ss#. When I asked him what for he said it was to get a prison ID. I didn't believe him but called the prison just to verify. They told me this was something inmates would do and unsuspecting parents would give the information, it would then be sold to other inmates and used to steal identities. Oh FB and social media. I have a love/hate relationship with it. I love it because it's a great way to keep in touch with people but when people use it to air their dirty laundry or as your daughter did, to just be mean and spew lies, it's not a good thing. My son has also posted ugly things about me that are not true. I learned that I needed to develop a thick skin. I know the truth and that is all that matters. As for what others choose to believe, I have no control. If someone chooses to believe the lies I have no room for them in my life. One thing I can say is having gone through all I have with my son I have grown stronger. I'm stronger than I ever thought possible. Surviving an adult difficult child is not for the faint at heart! [/QUOTE]
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