I sure hope there will be forward progress for all of us in the New Year. My 35 year old daughter has her boyfriend back. She tells me every couple of months that they have broke up. The off and on crazy cycle continues, and I am slowly learning how to detatch. The hard part about my daughter is that she can be nice and we can get closer and then she can turn deadly ugly. I have to realize it is part of her disorder and I have to find a way to not let it tear me to pieces. Once she turns mean, she makes sure anyone and anything around her is destroyed. I watched a video about toxic people and the ones that are mean all the time are easier to deal with because you know they are going to be awful but the ones that are nice off and on are the hardest to deal with and cause the most damage because you never know how they will act. My daughter called today to tell me she has a plan on how she will repay us for back rent and up coming rent. I think when she had time to think things through she decided that she could not find a better place to live. I am working through this last bout of PTSD. I have to work though it each time my daughter goes off the rails. I know by detatching a bit more I will not have such a severe case of it. I know she is capable of mass destruction so I have no idea why I go into complete shock over it. This year I will try to figure out why I need my daughters love so much. I really need her to love me. My son and I had ever flowing love, it was not off and on it was constant. He always thanked me for being his mom and thanked me often for all I did for him. If it were not for him I would feel like I was a failure as a parent. This off/on love from my daughter is painful, confusing and I just don't know where I stand most of the time. 2018 I am working on my health and mental well being. The hard part is that nothing or no one can take the place of a child. Wish I knew how to fill that void and God does help a lot but the void is so painful.