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hard on my difficult child?!?!?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 69742" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Please be aware - the people who love him the most but who don't actually live with him, are going to be the ones most in denial. It's easier to believe you're a bad parent, than to believe he is hurting, or something is seriously wrong.</p><p></p><p>Don't blame them for this - it's natural and it comes out of love, in just about all cases. The cure - more exposure to him, more input from them directly into him. IE get them to babysit him IIN THEIR HOME but without you nearby. It doesn't have to be for long - half an hour while you go to the shops. And if his behaviour is perfect don't worry. Just keep doing it, for longer and longer periods. </p><p></p><p>They'll see it soon enough. And if they don't - be happy that there is someone who loves your child so much that they think he is perfect.</p><p></p><p>We have someone like that, a friend from church, who took a long time to accept that difficult child 3 is autistic. I got nowhere by saying, "IS too!"</p><p>"Isn't!'</p><p>"Is!"</p><p>"Isn't!"</p><p>and so on...</p><p></p><p>What worked was time, regular exposure, plus her seeing my efforts in consistency; plus me demonstrating the problem to her.</p><p>When I told her of his communication delay and she said, "Nonsense!" I said to her, "ask him how his day at kindergarten went."</p><p>So she did. And he looked blankly at her then pointed out the window. "Water," he said. "Bird."</p><p>I then reminded her of another child of the same age. "As Melissa what she thinks of 'Mr Bean'. She was telling me a couple of days ago about her favourite episode, where "Mr Bean is painting his house the day after he had a party and one of the guests reaches in to get his hat, just as the paint explodes - that was really funny!"</p><p></p><p>I asked my friend to keep working at making conversation with difficult child 3, and also with Melissa, and THEN to tell me I was worried about nothing... she had to actually try this, but it did help her get the message.</p><p></p><p>A lot of this is about the need to blame someone when things go wrong. But it's not always about blame. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and we can't blame anyone for it.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 69742, member: 1991"] Please be aware - the people who love him the most but who don't actually live with him, are going to be the ones most in denial. It's easier to believe you're a bad parent, than to believe he is hurting, or something is seriously wrong. Don't blame them for this - it's natural and it comes out of love, in just about all cases. The cure - more exposure to him, more input from them directly into him. IE get them to babysit him IIN THEIR HOME but without you nearby. It doesn't have to be for long - half an hour while you go to the shops. And if his behaviour is perfect don't worry. Just keep doing it, for longer and longer periods. They'll see it soon enough. And if they don't - be happy that there is someone who loves your child so much that they think he is perfect. We have someone like that, a friend from church, who took a long time to accept that difficult child 3 is autistic. I got nowhere by saying, "IS too!" "Isn't!' "Is!" "Isn't!" and so on... What worked was time, regular exposure, plus her seeing my efforts in consistency; plus me demonstrating the problem to her. When I told her of his communication delay and she said, "Nonsense!" I said to her, "ask him how his day at kindergarten went." So she did. And he looked blankly at her then pointed out the window. "Water," he said. "Bird." I then reminded her of another child of the same age. "As Melissa what she thinks of 'Mr Bean'. She was telling me a couple of days ago about her favourite episode, where "Mr Bean is painting his house the day after he had a party and one of the guests reaches in to get his hat, just as the paint explodes - that was really funny!" I asked my friend to keep working at making conversation with difficult child 3, and also with Melissa, and THEN to tell me I was worried about nothing... she had to actually try this, but it did help her get the message. A lot of this is about the need to blame someone when things go wrong. But it's not always about blame. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and we can't blame anyone for it. Marg [/QUOTE]
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