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Parent Emeritus
Hard times.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 737136" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I am sooooooo sad for you, Copa. I know how much those words must hurt. And of course it is a typical pattern of the kids that bring us here.....you stopped giving him what he wanted. That is the crux of it. I dont believe he hates you or doesnt think of you as his mother. It is just extra fodder that adopted kids can use when they are angry at us. Its powerful too.</p><p></p><p>But if you offered him all that he wanted from you right now, he would suddenly change his tune. He is angry that you think he can do better and have set boundaries. Yet you have done nothing but love him. Everyone here knows this.</p><p></p><p>I dont believe he is gone forever. And maybe this will result in a good change. It is often the darkest before there is suddenly light.</p><p></p><p>I know this isnt important right now but I send my prayers and light and love and hope you turn to M., who loves you, to help you get through this. He is a strong man. Let him help you. But....he is not in charge of the boundaries you set for your son unless you agree with him.</p><p></p><p>Please take care. You are not a loser. You have never ever been a loser. If you ever felt like a loser, it was a cognitive distortion, not in any way real. Go to AA if that helps you. Do anything that helps. And check in often so that we can help.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 737136, member: 1550"] I am sooooooo sad for you, Copa. I know how much those words must hurt. And of course it is a typical pattern of the kids that bring us here.....you stopped giving him what he wanted. That is the crux of it. I dont believe he hates you or doesnt think of you as his mother. It is just extra fodder that adopted kids can use when they are angry at us. Its powerful too. But if you offered him all that he wanted from you right now, he would suddenly change his tune. He is angry that you think he can do better and have set boundaries. Yet you have done nothing but love him. Everyone here knows this. I dont believe he is gone forever. And maybe this will result in a good change. It is often the darkest before there is suddenly light. I know this isnt important right now but I send my prayers and light and love and hope you turn to M., who loves you, to help you get through this. He is a strong man. Let him help you. But....he is not in charge of the boundaries you set for your son unless you agree with him. Please take care. You are not a loser. You have never ever been a loser. If you ever felt like a loser, it was a cognitive distortion, not in any way real. Go to AA if that helps you. Do anything that helps. And check in often so that we can help. [/QUOTE]
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