My son told me this a couple hours ago, when he stood outside my car. (To follow.) We would not let him in to shower. He said everybody had been telling him he smelled. He cannot bear being dirty.. He said he had blisters on his feet and I believe him. His beard had greyed in 4 days. He had a boil on his chin under his beard. He looks like the worst street person. He has not changed his clothes or bathed since we kicked him out. I would not drive him anywhere. Nine days ago we told him to leave our property (the other one.) I went to the police and filed a letter of trespass as he was squatting in the yard. Two times this week the police came, as he refused to leave my house, and made suicidal statements. He forced his way into my house. I told him I am afraid of him. I was on the brink of filing a restraining order. The reason we (finally) made him leave our other property is that he refused to pay rent. Well he had always resisted. He wants all his money for marijuana, cigarettes, energy drinks, etc. There is a repetitive cycle: he is arrogant, domineering and aggressive the first part of the month when his ssi check comes. Within 12 days all his money is gone. He becomes humble and conciliatory. He promises to pay rent on the first. He says he will divide his money on four cards so his money lasts the month. We have helped him, but less and less. The promised changes never happen. He has cycled downwards. Every bit of help I have given has helped him go down. I offered to pay a private psychologist. I have urged him to do a smorgasbord of beneficial things. You know the drill. All the want is mine. So this is what he told me: It started this way. I am going to the big city to get treatment. I will not return here for a long time. When I would not drive him where he wanted to go he said this: You are not my mother, (inserting my name.) I never want to talk to you again. I don't want your money when you die. I never want to see you again. I will never forgive you for adopting me. And he walked away. He trashes us to people. We were told he had been plotting to force us to evict him. He lies to the police that he paid rent on my house. I have read stories like mine dozens of times. I know that I have tried too hard. I have left no stone unturned. He is uninterested in changing. M says he does not believe my son is anywhere close to wanting to change. Why is my heart broken? When will I ever not feel this heartbreak? I am very sad.