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Hard week
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<blockquote data-quote="gcvmom" data-source="post: 333373" data-attributes="member: 3444"><p>When I was in hs, I think I was a senior, a classmate was killed in an auto accident coming back from our Homecoming dance. He was a casual acquaintence, but it was very upsetting for me because until then, I never really thought of someone my age ever dying. </p><p> </p><p>I wasn't particularly religious at the time, but went to the wake (horribly upsetting -- open casket), and went to the funeral. I'm glad I went. It did help me put some closure to the whole thing -- made tangible what had previously been a very abstract idea.</p><p> </p><p>I think you're doing the right thing with oldest. And if he wants to go to the services, I think you should take him. He shouldn't be ashamed of his feelings, but if you feel he becomes too overwhelmed during the services, you could plan to make a quick and inconspicuous exit by taking a seat near the door. We all have to deal with grief of this type at one point in our lives, and what better time to help him process it than while he's under your care and guidance?</p><p> </p><p>As for teen, he may not have known the kid in question very well, and he may just not want to think about it. I'd still talk to him about it, because it's important to address potential fears or concerns, whether they're expressed or not, because they are probably there but being stuffed (my difficult child 1 is just like this). Perhaps your library has some books on the subject that are age appropriate -- you could check them out and leave one or two in his room to look at -- maybe with a post-it flagging an important page or passage. Then ask him about it in a few days. Maybe he reads it and will respond, maybe not. But I'd encourage him nonetheless.</p><p> </p><p>We haven't had to deal with this yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if it happens eventually with at least one of my kids' peers.</p><p> </p><p>I don't envy what you're going through with them. I hope it's not too rough on your family!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gcvmom, post: 333373, member: 3444"] When I was in hs, I think I was a senior, a classmate was killed in an auto accident coming back from our Homecoming dance. He was a casual acquaintence, but it was very upsetting for me because until then, I never really thought of someone my age ever dying. I wasn't particularly religious at the time, but went to the wake (horribly upsetting -- open casket), and went to the funeral. I'm glad I went. It did help me put some closure to the whole thing -- made tangible what had previously been a very abstract idea. I think you're doing the right thing with oldest. And if he wants to go to the services, I think you should take him. He shouldn't be ashamed of his feelings, but if you feel he becomes too overwhelmed during the services, you could plan to make a quick and inconspicuous exit by taking a seat near the door. We all have to deal with grief of this type at one point in our lives, and what better time to help him process it than while he's under your care and guidance? As for teen, he may not have known the kid in question very well, and he may just not want to think about it. I'd still talk to him about it, because it's important to address potential fears or concerns, whether they're expressed or not, because they are probably there but being stuffed (my difficult child 1 is just like this). Perhaps your library has some books on the subject that are age appropriate -- you could check them out and leave one or two in his room to look at -- maybe with a post-it flagging an important page or passage. Then ask him about it in a few days. Maybe he reads it and will respond, maybe not. But I'd encourage him nonetheless. We haven't had to deal with this yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if it happens eventually with at least one of my kids' peers. I don't envy what you're going through with them. I hope it's not too rough on your family! [/QUOTE]
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