Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Has anyone else experience this?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 82275" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>I understand what you mean about not wanting to give her a hug or tell her that you love you. I've felt that way so many, many times. However, it is usually when she was most unloveable that she needed the love the most. It was hard to love her when she was abusing me both physically and verbally. Hugging her was out of the question. What I could do, though, was stroke her hair or give her a gentle pat when she walked by. I could sit by her bed as she slept and hold her hand or stroke a part of her. There were times she would pretend to be asleep as I did this. We both knew it but it was okay. It was a way to show some love to a child who rejected it at every possible turn.</p><p></p><p>It took me some time and thought (and a very, very good therapist) but I finally understood that I truly loved the child as much as I truly loathed her behavior. Once I could disassociate her from her actions, it was much easier to allow myself to love her, to show some of that love. When she says she hates me, I respond that it's a good thing I have enough love for both us. When she wishes I was dead, I simply tell her I can understand her feeling that way.</p><p></p><p>I, too, felt guilty that I couldn't give this child/adolescent the love she needed. I had to force myself in the beginning. Little by little, it became easier. Little by little, the gestures began to be less of a chore and more of a way of showing she was special. </p><p></p><p>Don't feel bad for feeling the way you do. You didn't come to those feelings overnight. It took a lot of effort on the part of your daughter to turn you away. It will take a lot of effort on your part to turn back.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 82275, member: 3626"] I understand what you mean about not wanting to give her a hug or tell her that you love you. I've felt that way so many, many times. However, it is usually when she was most unloveable that she needed the love the most. It was hard to love her when she was abusing me both physically and verbally. Hugging her was out of the question. What I could do, though, was stroke her hair or give her a gentle pat when she walked by. I could sit by her bed as she slept and hold her hand or stroke a part of her. There were times she would pretend to be asleep as I did this. We both knew it but it was okay. It was a way to show some love to a child who rejected it at every possible turn. It took me some time and thought (and a very, very good therapist) but I finally understood that I truly loved the child as much as I truly loathed her behavior. Once I could disassociate her from her actions, it was much easier to allow myself to love her, to show some of that love. When she says she hates me, I respond that it's a good thing I have enough love for both us. When she wishes I was dead, I simply tell her I can understand her feeling that way. I, too, felt guilty that I couldn't give this child/adolescent the love she needed. I had to force myself in the beginning. Little by little, it became easier. Little by little, the gestures began to be less of a chore and more of a way of showing she was special. Don't feel bad for feeling the way you do. You didn't come to those feelings overnight. It took a lot of effort on the part of your daughter to turn you away. It will take a lot of effort on your part to turn back. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Has anyone else experience this?
Top