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General Parenting
Has counseling helped your difficult child?
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<blockquote data-quote="BestICan" data-source="post: 152344" data-attributes="member: 3413"><p>Yes, it has for us. However, I think we hit the therapist jackpot! I'm guessing that's pretty rare.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child has a lot of impulse control issues and as a result tends to get in trouble in the classroom setting. Our therapist is a retired school teacher in addition to being a therapist. He's come to school meetings with us and has given us sound advice on dealing within the school system. </p><p></p><p>therapist is extremely, EXTREMELY practical with his advice. I'm used to tdocs for adults doing a lot of validating and listening, but this guy is a little different. He certainly makes you feel validated, but he is more interested in telling you about practical strategies: things to say, ways to frame the conversation, ways to discuss things with the school staff. </p><p></p><p>When he talks with difficult child, he's friendly but very persistent. He doesn't allow difficult child to sidestep questions, or be so silly during sessions that nothing gets accomplished. difficult child's favorite board games happen AFTER they've had a significant conversation, and difficult child knows it so he's motivated to participate. He is good with squirmy, defensive little boys, and will follow difficult child around the room as he squirms from the sofa to the floor, under the sofa cushions, etc. Without making a big deal, therapist just plants himself on the floor near difficult child and keeps talking.</p><p></p><p>He's big on letting difficult child realize things for himself, and find his own motivation for improvement. He's big on accentuating the positive but calling him out on the negative. He's big on setting goals for the future rather than analyzing what's happened to death (which is my tendency). Most importantly for me, he helps us set reasonable consequences for difficult child. I am constantly having to re-learn that impulsive misbehavior isn't effectively punished with long lectures or drawn-out punishments. We work a lot on "You screwed up. What do you do now?" instead of the less effective, "You screwed up. You should be punished." </p><p></p><p>I think this only works because difficult child adores therapist, and is also very gregarious by nature. I don't have any idea what would happen if difficult child shut down and decided not to talk, for example. </p><p></p><p>Just my $0.02. If anybody needs a great therapist in the Los Angeles area, PM me!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BestICan, post: 152344, member: 3413"] Yes, it has for us. However, I think we hit the therapist jackpot! I'm guessing that's pretty rare. My difficult child has a lot of impulse control issues and as a result tends to get in trouble in the classroom setting. Our therapist is a retired school teacher in addition to being a therapist. He's come to school meetings with us and has given us sound advice on dealing within the school system. therapist is extremely, EXTREMELY practical with his advice. I'm used to tdocs for adults doing a lot of validating and listening, but this guy is a little different. He certainly makes you feel validated, but he is more interested in telling you about practical strategies: things to say, ways to frame the conversation, ways to discuss things with the school staff. When he talks with difficult child, he's friendly but very persistent. He doesn't allow difficult child to sidestep questions, or be so silly during sessions that nothing gets accomplished. difficult child's favorite board games happen AFTER they've had a significant conversation, and difficult child knows it so he's motivated to participate. He is good with squirmy, defensive little boys, and will follow difficult child around the room as he squirms from the sofa to the floor, under the sofa cushions, etc. Without making a big deal, therapist just plants himself on the floor near difficult child and keeps talking. He's big on letting difficult child realize things for himself, and find his own motivation for improvement. He's big on accentuating the positive but calling him out on the negative. He's big on setting goals for the future rather than analyzing what's happened to death (which is my tendency). Most importantly for me, he helps us set reasonable consequences for difficult child. I am constantly having to re-learn that impulsive misbehavior isn't effectively punished with long lectures or drawn-out punishments. We work a lot on "You screwed up. What do you do now?" instead of the less effective, "You screwed up. You should be punished." I think this only works because difficult child adores therapist, and is also very gregarious by nature. I don't have any idea what would happen if difficult child shut down and decided not to talk, for example. Just my $0.02. If anybody needs a great therapist in the Los Angeles area, PM me! [/QUOTE]
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