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Has counseling helped your difficult child?
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 152699" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Crazy mama - </p><p> </p><p>I used to think and seek out female therapists for Dude in the beginning because I felt a woman would be able to understand him more with his issues of not liking woment (then found out his own gma (x's mom) abused him. </p><p> </p><p>Ultimately I don't think sex is a tie breaker - it's what you are comfortable with and that could be either sex. When we met the therapist we've had the last 5 years? My first impression based on looks was Sigmund Freuid reincarnate. But after a month of sessions - we seemed to enjoy him and his wisdom with difficult child was spot on in helping us. </p><p> </p><p>I had a few women counselors and honestly out of all them? Prefered this last guy to them all - It goes back to thinking I eventually feel like I can tell him almost anything and be okay with his reaction. Some therapists I met I couldnt tell anything to. And didn't stay long. One I caught looking out the window during my explaination of "And how did THAT make you feel?" and so I said mid sentence - And the monkey ran up the flagpole with a banana and yelled at the crowd." and she replied "Uh huh." so I got up and left. I told her that if she was going to be a counselor she should really listen to what people were saying - I wasn't just there to blow it out my blow hole - I needed help - and when I repeated what I had said to her - I was already IN the hallway with others waiting to see her in the lobby." That was about the WORST I personally ever had. </p><p> </p><p>But at least it gave me something to compare to when I found the next lady. She was all "I understand" "I understand" and I said "Really, you had a husband that tortured you and molested your son?" and she stuttered, I got up and left HER office. Two things I do NOT want to hear in a therapists office "How does THAT make you feel?" and "I understand." because I already KNOW how THAT made me feel - or I wouldn't be talking about it, and no, you can't Understand unless you lived it. </p><p> </p><p>The last therapist ? Never said either. When he could relate he would say "Let me tell you about the time I." and then you KNEW he related because he had been through it. Or he would listen to stories about things x did to me and just sit with his mouth open and tell me as long as he had been a therapist in prisons, and all over - he'd never heard of anyone so evil. Then the next week would come to me with reading material or a book suggestion or a movie that related my fears and anger so we could talk about it the following week. </p><p> </p><p>I think a good therapist is one that makes you feel like 1.) You aren't nuts - you are fixable. 2.) They care 3.) You aren't just 250 an hour to them 4.) They are available if you have a true crisis and CALL YOU BACK 5.) Give you tangible goals 6.) Offer you hope and for my family 7.) Have faith and remain optomistic but real. </p><p> </p><p>I also know that the counselors I didn't like - I never had to tell Dude I didn't like them - HE wouldn't talk to them. This last guy - I liked him, and so did Dude until they got to the crux of Dudes behaviors and then Dude shut down - refused to go and had to be made to go. I've no regrets because now I know Dude is going on his own and REALLY working on his problems on his own. He's living in foster care and called the office himself - so THAT to me was HUGE. </p><p> </p><p>if nothing else - like someone else said - it sets a pattern for "therapy is really OKAY if you need it - seek it out." </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 152699, member: 4964"] Crazy mama - I used to think and seek out female therapists for Dude in the beginning because I felt a woman would be able to understand him more with his issues of not liking woment (then found out his own gma (x's mom) abused him. Ultimately I don't think sex is a tie breaker - it's what you are comfortable with and that could be either sex. When we met the therapist we've had the last 5 years? My first impression based on looks was Sigmund Freuid reincarnate. But after a month of sessions - we seemed to enjoy him and his wisdom with difficult child was spot on in helping us. I had a few women counselors and honestly out of all them? Prefered this last guy to them all - It goes back to thinking I eventually feel like I can tell him almost anything and be okay with his reaction. Some therapists I met I couldnt tell anything to. And didn't stay long. One I caught looking out the window during my explaination of "And how did THAT make you feel?" and so I said mid sentence - And the monkey ran up the flagpole with a banana and yelled at the crowd." and she replied "Uh huh." so I got up and left. I told her that if she was going to be a counselor she should really listen to what people were saying - I wasn't just there to blow it out my blow hole - I needed help - and when I repeated what I had said to her - I was already IN the hallway with others waiting to see her in the lobby." That was about the WORST I personally ever had. But at least it gave me something to compare to when I found the next lady. She was all "I understand" "I understand" and I said "Really, you had a husband that tortured you and molested your son?" and she stuttered, I got up and left HER office. Two things I do NOT want to hear in a therapists office "How does THAT make you feel?" and "I understand." because I already KNOW how THAT made me feel - or I wouldn't be talking about it, and no, you can't Understand unless you lived it. The last therapist ? Never said either. When he could relate he would say "Let me tell you about the time I." and then you KNEW he related because he had been through it. Or he would listen to stories about things x did to me and just sit with his mouth open and tell me as long as he had been a therapist in prisons, and all over - he'd never heard of anyone so evil. Then the next week would come to me with reading material or a book suggestion or a movie that related my fears and anger so we could talk about it the following week. I think a good therapist is one that makes you feel like 1.) You aren't nuts - you are fixable. 2.) They care 3.) You aren't just 250 an hour to them 4.) They are available if you have a true crisis and CALL YOU BACK 5.) Give you tangible goals 6.) Offer you hope and for my family 7.) Have faith and remain optomistic but real. I also know that the counselors I didn't like - I never had to tell Dude I didn't like them - HE wouldn't talk to them. This last guy - I liked him, and so did Dude until they got to the crux of Dudes behaviors and then Dude shut down - refused to go and had to be made to go. I've no regrets because now I know Dude is going on his own and REALLY working on his problems on his own. He's living in foster care and called the office himself - so THAT to me was HUGE. if nothing else - like someone else said - it sets a pattern for "therapy is really OKAY if you need it - seek it out." Hugs [/QUOTE]
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