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Have group homes been helpful for any of you?
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<blockquote data-quote="Ehlena" data-source="post: 396999" data-attributes="member: 6097"><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px">Just wanted to revisit this, because they finally placed my difficult child in a level 12 group home, on Tuesday. They are also taking him regularly to the psychiatrist. Its about time! Im still frustrated because they still wont test difficult child to find out what/how much is in his system. I know its at least alcohol and marijuana. We are working on that. Hes been at the prior place long enough (no structure, rules, boundaries) that he has formed an addiction.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px">We dropped by and spoke to the director. The guy is awesome. I could have hugged him! Hes well aware of everything that is going on in his house, and already knows that difficult child is planning on sneaking out to get high. Apparently, the other boys have told him that difficult child is hurting right now. They have 24/7 staff, difficult child has to inform someone when he is going upstairs, what for, cant go up there for too long alone, and they are checking on him during the night to make sure he is still there.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px">There are only three other boys in the house, and the director really seems to care about them and their futures. Theyre on levels for the amount of privileges they can have, depending on completion of chores and responsibilities. The director really wants to get difficult child into weekly AA meetings with one of the other kids in the house but the sticking point is that they test at these meetings. Hes also telling the social worker to work on getting the permission for drug testing, so its nice that were not the only ones putting pressure on her to get it done. Its been almost a month since the social worker said this was a priority for her.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px">So far difficult child seems to like it there, but hes also on break right now, and the director is doing a good job of enticing him with rewards he can earn. I think a big sticking point will be the heightened supervision over his interactions with his mother. His mom has had a hugely detrimental effect on him, and the director let us know that not only would they be watching his visits very closely, but would be monitoring phone calls anything inappropriate gets said, the phone gets hung up. This is how difficult child got himself kicked out of the second foster home. The foster mom hung up the phone and he got aggressive. Nothing and no one is allowed to come between him and his mom.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px">Its a five-minute drive from our place, and the director told us that we can drop by anytime or call anytime. Its clean, spacious, in a nice neighborhood, and the other boys there seem happy. Well be picking difficult child up for Xmas this weekend.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px">We've been doing family therapy for a long time, and difficult child has also been doing individual therapy for a long time. When difficult child first moved in with us it took me about six months to convince my husband that his behaviors were unusual and he should be put in counseling. We've been doing the books, therapy, and advice from anyone who has new ideas since. Medication was a little slower coming, since we were both resistant to that. They are re-evaluating his medications right now.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 12px">I dont know how much or how quickly this will help difficult child, but I am really glad that hes in a place where they arent sticking their heads in the sand over his substance abuse issues, that he is being supervised closely, and they have set boundaries and expectations. HUGE weight off my shoulders! Crossing my fingers that this lasts hes been placing himself out of the foster homes at the 5-6 month mark.</span></span></p><p> </p><p>I'm starting to form a lightbulb thought over how much of this is related to his mother. I do think difficult child has organic issues and will always be a difficult child to raise. I also noticed, however, that he is happy/excited about any new placement he's put into, and then he gradually starts to complain about really petty things. He doesn't do it so much with my husband and I, because we constantly work to re-frame these complaints and foster an attitude of gratitude. But with his mom, this is almost all they talk about. And she encourages this and pushes him further, i.e. "they shouldn't be making you do extra reading, that's horrible!" She doesn't correct him when difficult child talks about killing his caretakers or calling them racial slurs. And then difficult child starts to make things up to complain about... and then he's lashing out verbally with things that obviously came from his mother's mouth. And then physically.</p><p> </p><p>difficult child was happy at our place for a long time, almost a year and a half. Things only started to really deteriorate when his mom started to come back into his life. I wonder what's going to happen when they really limit and supervise her contact.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ehlena, post: 396999, member: 6097"] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3]Just wanted to revisit this, because they finally placed my difficult child in a level 12 group home, on Tuesday. They are also taking him regularly to the psychiatrist. Its about time! Im still frustrated because they still wont test difficult child to find out what/how much is in his system. I know its at least alcohol and marijuana. We are working on that. Hes been at the prior place long enough (no structure, rules, boundaries) that he has formed an addiction.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3]We dropped by and spoke to the director. The guy is awesome. I could have hugged him! Hes well aware of everything that is going on in his house, and already knows that difficult child is planning on sneaking out to get high. Apparently, the other boys have told him that difficult child is hurting right now. They have 24/7 staff, difficult child has to inform someone when he is going upstairs, what for, cant go up there for too long alone, and they are checking on him during the night to make sure he is still there.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3]There are only three other boys in the house, and the director really seems to care about them and their futures. Theyre on levels for the amount of privileges they can have, depending on completion of chores and responsibilities. The director really wants to get difficult child into weekly AA meetings with one of the other kids in the house but the sticking point is that they test at these meetings. Hes also telling the social worker to work on getting the permission for drug testing, so its nice that were not the only ones putting pressure on her to get it done. Its been almost a month since the social worker said this was a priority for her.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3]So far difficult child seems to like it there, but hes also on break right now, and the director is doing a good job of enticing him with rewards he can earn. I think a big sticking point will be the heightened supervision over his interactions with his mother. His mom has had a hugely detrimental effect on him, and the director let us know that not only would they be watching his visits very closely, but would be monitoring phone calls anything inappropriate gets said, the phone gets hung up. This is how difficult child got himself kicked out of the second foster home. The foster mom hung up the phone and he got aggressive. Nothing and no one is allowed to come between him and his mom.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3]Its a five-minute drive from our place, and the director told us that we can drop by anytime or call anytime. Its clean, spacious, in a nice neighborhood, and the other boys there seem happy. Well be picking difficult child up for Xmas this weekend.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3]We've been doing family therapy for a long time, and difficult child has also been doing individual therapy for a long time. When difficult child first moved in with us it took me about six months to convince my husband that his behaviors were unusual and he should be put in counseling. We've been doing the books, therapy, and advice from anyone who has new ideas since. Medication was a little slower coming, since we were both resistant to that. They are re-evaluating his medications right now.[/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][SIZE=3]I dont know how much or how quickly this will help difficult child, but I am really glad that hes in a place where they arent sticking their heads in the sand over his substance abuse issues, that he is being supervised closely, and they have set boundaries and expectations. HUGE weight off my shoulders! Crossing my fingers that this lasts hes been placing himself out of the foster homes at the 5-6 month mark.[/SIZE][/FONT] I'm starting to form a lightbulb thought over how much of this is related to his mother. I do think difficult child has organic issues and will always be a difficult child to raise. I also noticed, however, that he is happy/excited about any new placement he's put into, and then he gradually starts to complain about really petty things. He doesn't do it so much with my husband and I, because we constantly work to re-frame these complaints and foster an attitude of gratitude. But with his mom, this is almost all they talk about. And she encourages this and pushes him further, i.e. "they shouldn't be making you do extra reading, that's horrible!" She doesn't correct him when difficult child talks about killing his caretakers or calling them racial slurs. And then difficult child starts to make things up to complain about... and then he's lashing out verbally with things that obviously came from his mother's mouth. And then physically. difficult child was happy at our place for a long time, almost a year and a half. Things only started to really deteriorate when his mom started to come back into his life. I wonder what's going to happen when they really limit and supervise her contact. [/QUOTE]
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