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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 666766" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there and welcome.</p><p></p><p>Wow, you've had a rough ride. I assume, because your daughter is getting up there and should no longer consider your house her house. She does have three kids. </p><p></p><p>From my perspective, and this is just ONE perspective, I am 62 and am realizing that I want to live my own life now. I've always been the caregiver, but that stopped. I no longer believe that we have to take care of our adult children if t hey are self-destructing. The way I look at it, I didn't want to have any part of emotionally or financially supporting my adult children if they are doing dangerous and unhealthy behaviors. I never had to deal with grandchildren when my kids had struggles, thankfully, so that is different. I think, maybe I would have tried to get custody of the grandchildren or offered my daughter to take in the grands, but not herself, if I were you. But if the grands were disruptive, maybe not. You have two more children who need a peaceful home too. And your youngest already thinks she has to care for her family, even if they are exhibiting really bad behaviors that disrupt everyone else. </p><p></p><p>In my own opinion only, it is best for kids to learn that they are not responsible for the bad choices others make, even family, and that an adult is responsible for his or her own decisions and life choices.</p><p></p><p>At any rate, that is just my opinion. I think you are doing the right thing for your situation. I wouldn't give her any more money. If you buy something for the grands (and I'd make it the grands only) I'd buy it or pay it directly rather than give any money. That is, if you decide to keep helping monetarily. I can understand the feeling of wanting to help the grands, but if it were me, the daughter wouldn't get a dime. </p><p></p><p>Welcome again, but sorry you had to come here. Others will come along.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 666766, member: 1550"] Hi there and welcome. Wow, you've had a rough ride. I assume, because your daughter is getting up there and should no longer consider your house her house. She does have three kids. From my perspective, and this is just ONE perspective, I am 62 and am realizing that I want to live my own life now. I've always been the caregiver, but that stopped. I no longer believe that we have to take care of our adult children if t hey are self-destructing. The way I look at it, I didn't want to have any part of emotionally or financially supporting my adult children if they are doing dangerous and unhealthy behaviors. I never had to deal with grandchildren when my kids had struggles, thankfully, so that is different. I think, maybe I would have tried to get custody of the grandchildren or offered my daughter to take in the grands, but not herself, if I were you. But if the grands were disruptive, maybe not. You have two more children who need a peaceful home too. And your youngest already thinks she has to care for her family, even if they are exhibiting really bad behaviors that disrupt everyone else. In my own opinion only, it is best for kids to learn that they are not responsible for the bad choices others make, even family, and that an adult is responsible for his or her own decisions and life choices. At any rate, that is just my opinion. I think you are doing the right thing for your situation. I wouldn't give her any more money. If you buy something for the grands (and I'd make it the grands only) I'd buy it or pay it directly rather than give any money. That is, if you decide to keep helping monetarily. I can understand the feeling of wanting to help the grands, but if it were me, the daughter wouldn't get a dime. Welcome again, but sorry you had to come here. Others will come along. [/QUOTE]
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