I am glad to have found you as well and astounded to have so much support so quickly. God Bless all of you who have replied with encouraging words. The help/enable line is very fine. I have been reading up on the concept of loving detachment and wish I had seen it earlier on. I suppose we all come to the crossroads we need to be at when we are open to taking a different direction.
The patterns set by difficult children seem to be pretty universal, but we have to lift that parental veil of "unconditional love" in order to see what is happening to them and how we are dragged into the whirlpool. I have thoughts on the term unconditional. Maybe we can love them unconditionally, but not like them at the same time? Healthy relationships do have conditions- mutual respect being right up at the top of the list.
I will concentrate on controlling my response, not do the "Pavlov's Dog" reaction, take a deep breath, and create a new beginning.
Thank you so much for your kind words and reaching out through cyber space to a stranger!
