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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 666883" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>I have come to a crossroads in my life right now knowing that the priority is ensuring peace in my household. Your thoughts about my minor son are on-point, I cannot continue to jeopardize his sanity and security in our home to try to help his sister and her children. It is all about choices, she chooses to remain in the drama go round, I do not. </p><p></p><p>The most difficult part of this journey is the affect I see on my grandchildren. You are right, I am not their parent. It is sad that I am forced to make a choice between them and my son, but my first and foremost responsibility is my son. We have both been to counseling, and I will offer it to him again. He is a very level headed sensitive boy, and our rapport is amazing. I have always seen him as an old soul, and conversations with him are very straight forward. I have realized through his reaction the hurt this has been causing him and that I must act with clarity and sensibility to protect him from the chaos that comes with his sister, her children and the choices they make. </p><p></p><p>It is heart wrenching, but at this point I have taken a stand that I will not raise my grandchildren even if they are removed from their parents. If I do-all of my focus would be on them, that is not fair to my child. If I did take them in, their parents would not make the changes they need to make. My grandchildren are very affected by their chaotic life, and wreak havoc in my house. They understandably are very angry, and often times take it out on my son. He has grown up with them coming and going, and each time, they have disrespected him, his privacy and his belongings. I love my grandchildren and know they are the way they are because of their situation. They will need intense counseling and a lot of time and effort to help them. My son is at a critical juncture in his life and deserves our full attention and guidance. Some may see this as selfish, I see it as self preservation and a decision to concentrate on my son and give him undivided support towards his future. I feel very strongly that if I take my grandkids in, I will lose my son. That is unacceptable.</p><p></p><p>It is all so old, and it is all so new. Changing mind set, patterning and response is not easy. It is my husbands culture to take care of family, no matter what. I feel the same to a certain extent. There has to be boundaries, mutual respect, help and a clear direction of guidance and purpose. </p><p></p><p>At this point, I am hoping that my daughter will wake up and smell the coffee. She has to. Whether or not she does is not up to me. </p><p></p><p>What I can control are the choices I make for myself and my son. Whether or not my husband will put his foot down is an entirely different story, but at least my son will know that I am making choices to try to secure his right to live in a peaceable home.</p><p></p><p>I will surely write numbers down and direct my daughter to a DV shelter in case she tries to return. I know that coming home simply does NOT work, for her and I.</p><p></p><p>Thank you so much for your words and advice. I am glad to be here and to know that I have a safe place to share my situation. I am sorry for all of those that are here, and the rough roads that have driven folks to necessitate such a forum. It is a hard, sad fact of this world, that some of our children will choose destructive paths. I am learning that I can love them from a distance, until they start to show by their actions that they are making responsible, healthy choices.</p><p></p><p>Peace to all and hugs to you for taking the time to use your experience to gently guide others.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 666883, member: 19522"] I have come to a crossroads in my life right now knowing that the priority is ensuring peace in my household. Your thoughts about my minor son are on-point, I cannot continue to jeopardize his sanity and security in our home to try to help his sister and her children. It is all about choices, she chooses to remain in the drama go round, I do not. The most difficult part of this journey is the affect I see on my grandchildren. You are right, I am not their parent. It is sad that I am forced to make a choice between them and my son, but my first and foremost responsibility is my son. We have both been to counseling, and I will offer it to him again. He is a very level headed sensitive boy, and our rapport is amazing. I have always seen him as an old soul, and conversations with him are very straight forward. I have realized through his reaction the hurt this has been causing him and that I must act with clarity and sensibility to protect him from the chaos that comes with his sister, her children and the choices they make. It is heart wrenching, but at this point I have taken a stand that I will not raise my grandchildren even if they are removed from their parents. If I do-all of my focus would be on them, that is not fair to my child. If I did take them in, their parents would not make the changes they need to make. My grandchildren are very affected by their chaotic life, and wreak havoc in my house. They understandably are very angry, and often times take it out on my son. He has grown up with them coming and going, and each time, they have disrespected him, his privacy and his belongings. I love my grandchildren and know they are the way they are because of their situation. They will need intense counseling and a lot of time and effort to help them. My son is at a critical juncture in his life and deserves our full attention and guidance. Some may see this as selfish, I see it as self preservation and a decision to concentrate on my son and give him undivided support towards his future. I feel very strongly that if I take my grandkids in, I will lose my son. That is unacceptable. It is all so old, and it is all so new. Changing mind set, patterning and response is not easy. It is my husbands culture to take care of family, no matter what. I feel the same to a certain extent. There has to be boundaries, mutual respect, help and a clear direction of guidance and purpose. At this point, I am hoping that my daughter will wake up and smell the coffee. She has to. Whether or not she does is not up to me. What I can control are the choices I make for myself and my son. Whether or not my husband will put his foot down is an entirely different story, but at least my son will know that I am making choices to try to secure his right to live in a peaceable home. I will surely write numbers down and direct my daughter to a DV shelter in case she tries to return. I know that coming home simply does NOT work, for her and I. Thank you so much for your words and advice. I am glad to be here and to know that I have a safe place to share my situation. I am sorry for all of those that are here, and the rough roads that have driven folks to necessitate such a forum. It is a hard, sad fact of this world, that some of our children will choose destructive paths. I am learning that I can love them from a distance, until they start to show by their actions that they are making responsible, healthy choices. Peace to all and hugs to you for taking the time to use your experience to gently guide others. [/QUOTE]
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