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Havent been on in a long, long time.....
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 394488"><p>Aw hugs... it is an awful place to be. So the big thing I am wondering about is his drug use. Drug use by our difficult children make all the difficult child behavior much much worse. The stealing and violence especially. So he is in outpatient drug treatment. Is it helpful? Is he still using? If he is still using then until that stops nothing else will change for him. It seems drug users often say its just pot...somehow they feel their parents will find that more acceptable. And it is true, I think we as parents don't worry as much about pot. I know with my son he said it was just pot.... but it was way more than that.</p><p></p><p>I totally understand about the guilt..... but you know what you can't change the past whatever it is. I think we have all made mistakes and it is easier to give in too much with our difficult child's. I know for me I could not be on top of every little thing when he was young, it just wasn't possible and would have created its own set of problems. </p><p></p><p>So one thing to think about is what message are you sending him if you continue to let him live at your house with the type of stuff he is doing? You are sending him a message that that stuff is ok or has no consequences. He is getting to an age where the outside world will impose consequences and he needs to learn that.</p><p></p><p>So it may not feel this way but it may be best for him to not live at your house. I know as a mom it is really hard to accept that, but I think it is true for a lot of us.</p><p></p><p>Absolutely think about your priorities. Your 3 year old cannot protect herself, you need to do that.</p><p></p><p>See if you can find a parents group for Alanon. My husband and I have started going to one and I can't tell you how helpful it has been. I felt like a huge weight was taken off my shoulders the first time I went.... part of it was hey all these nice and interesting people have similar problesms that I do, and if it is not their fault then it is not mine either.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 394488"] Aw hugs... it is an awful place to be. So the big thing I am wondering about is his drug use. Drug use by our difficult children make all the difficult child behavior much much worse. The stealing and violence especially. So he is in outpatient drug treatment. Is it helpful? Is he still using? If he is still using then until that stops nothing else will change for him. It seems drug users often say its just pot...somehow they feel their parents will find that more acceptable. And it is true, I think we as parents don't worry as much about pot. I know with my son he said it was just pot.... but it was way more than that. I totally understand about the guilt..... but you know what you can't change the past whatever it is. I think we have all made mistakes and it is easier to give in too much with our difficult child's. I know for me I could not be on top of every little thing when he was young, it just wasn't possible and would have created its own set of problems. So one thing to think about is what message are you sending him if you continue to let him live at your house with the type of stuff he is doing? You are sending him a message that that stuff is ok or has no consequences. He is getting to an age where the outside world will impose consequences and he needs to learn that. So it may not feel this way but it may be best for him to not live at your house. I know as a mom it is really hard to accept that, but I think it is true for a lot of us. Absolutely think about your priorities. Your 3 year old cannot protect herself, you need to do that. See if you can find a parents group for Alanon. My husband and I have started going to one and I can't tell you how helpful it has been. I felt like a huge weight was taken off my shoulders the first time I went.... part of it was hey all these nice and interesting people have similar problesms that I do, and if it is not their fault then it is not mine either. [/QUOTE]
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