Thanks Janet, and K. It does hoover. I want to find a way to be optimistic, but even if the economy picks up, the bottom line is, the kids are next in line. We now have a pretty good idea of what our income will be when S/O completes the aviation program. At that point, when he graduates, difficult child begins University. Right when he finishes, easy child begins. S/O's daughter is highly autistic and will always live with her mom. We will pay support regardless of her age, it is the right thing to do as a father and I wouldn't have it any other way. The more he earns, the more we send. So it won't happen for me. I have to face it. Focus on something different I guess? Just can't imagine anything else that will be something to look forward to with that kind of dream and drive.
I am happy with my life. I don't "have it bad". I have great kids. A wonderful S/O. We will finally have financial and job security. In so many ways we are very blessed. I just have to get over this all, somehow. Preferably soon. Nasty dreams indicate I'm thinking about this even when I think I'm moving forward beyond it 
