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Having a bit of a jealous issue - and nightmares :(
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 317608" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Thank you all. It's a struggle for me to try to figure out a solution here. Canada doesn't have any kind of free tuition program. There is a slight chance we could get some help from the military for easy child and difficult child, but that would be if we were posted overseas or at least to the US from what I've read. I did speak to easy child's father last night. I've not pursued proper support from him for easy child. He and his wife are very successful with several businesses. I asked him to please discuss with his wife what contributions they are going to be making for easy child's education, realistic and honest disclosure about how much they can and WILL be contributing, so that I might plan. Yes its a ways away. But it isnt' cheap either! I don't plan to take him to court over this, although I could without effort or cost to me for legal fees, get proper court ordered support beginning now until she graduates from University. I could also get additional court ordered money for education costs. He can well afford it, so it isn't a problem there. I just can't do court again. It is a PTSD thing. I can't go through it. I know he knows this. I hope he doesn't use that knowledge to wiggle out of things. He did seem responsive so hopefully I'll hear something concrete soon. I do know that whatever pledge he and his wife say they can handle for tuition etc I can count on. If they say it, they'll do it. Crossing fingers. Honestly, if he goes 18 years total without really paying me support, I believe he should fully fund her education. that's my opinion. Its cheaper than what he got away with not paying over the years. No way that will happen, but it would be nice if he'd at least cover all tuition and books and fees, leaving only cost of living.</p><p></p><p>I have considered online school and doing it class by class for cost purposes. I just don't know that I'd stick with it the same doing it online. I enjoy the classroom environment, the debates, conversations, contacts made, etc. I learn well reading, but I learn best in a classroom environment. Sadly, I'm a perfectionist about school. I worked my butt off when difficult child was a baby. I just "had" to have that 4.0 even though I was working doing research for my advisor, working tutoring upwards of 10 students per semester, and caring alone for difficult child. Its the only thing I am a perfectionist about. I could for sure complete courses online, but I doubt my efforts would be the same as in class, and I know my frustration with myself would make it not enjoyable. I need the in person interaction I suppose. If I could get past that need to excel, that need to enjoy the experience, I could suck it up and just get the degree. I've just waited so long and I want what I want if that makes sense?? </p><p></p><p>difficult child will be going full time. He's not a school person (at all!). I'm just thrilled he's motivated at all to attend school beyond high school. Just a couple years ago, I doubted he'd finish high school (so did he lol). We've talked about full time vs. part time and he is determined to go full time. I don't blame him. He wants to get it done (he sees it as a chore) so he can leave school behind and start working. And I want to see him obtain that degree. He has come so far! And that he wants to attend in spite of loathing school? I really want him focused on just that education. I don't even want him working during school (summers being exception). If he feels overwhelmed, he likely won't complete his program. I'm just proud he wants to go. And I want to give him that opportunity to succeed. We have already agreed he must take out loans for living expenses since he wont' be working. I can't afford to do that. But i have committed to paying his tuition, books etc. I have also committed to helping him keep this apartment. He'll be ready to begin his university program right after S/O, easy child and I will be relocating. he loves where we live right now. So I've committed to helping him furnish the apartment for himself, and to help him find a trustworthy roommate to share expenses. Keeping this place with a roommate will be cheaper than renting in residence or taking a grimy tiny bachelor or one bedroom. I also know the neighbours will be good to him when he's living here on his own. I feel better knowing that his first time on his own he's somewhere familiar with good people, good landlord. So I've got 2 years to save that first year tuition, fees, plus furnish this place for difficult child. He is getting a summer job the next 2 summers and other than a small amount of his pay, he's handing over the rest to me to contribute to costs. (I'm impressed, it was his idea)</p><p></p><p>Anyhow, I'm babbling, typing thoughts out loud. I still can't see, even with difficult child helping how he can, being able to afford classes. I guess if I can get over the online learning thing, I could slowly creep towards something one class at a time. I just have a sinking feeling about doing it that way. I want to enjoy what I'm doing, ya know? Maybe I'm just being greedy and selfish.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 317608, member: 4264"] Thank you all. It's a struggle for me to try to figure out a solution here. Canada doesn't have any kind of free tuition program. There is a slight chance we could get some help from the military for easy child and difficult child, but that would be if we were posted overseas or at least to the US from what I've read. I did speak to easy child's father last night. I've not pursued proper support from him for easy child. He and his wife are very successful with several businesses. I asked him to please discuss with his wife what contributions they are going to be making for easy child's education, realistic and honest disclosure about how much they can and WILL be contributing, so that I might plan. Yes its a ways away. But it isnt' cheap either! I don't plan to take him to court over this, although I could without effort or cost to me for legal fees, get proper court ordered support beginning now until she graduates from University. I could also get additional court ordered money for education costs. He can well afford it, so it isn't a problem there. I just can't do court again. It is a PTSD thing. I can't go through it. I know he knows this. I hope he doesn't use that knowledge to wiggle out of things. He did seem responsive so hopefully I'll hear something concrete soon. I do know that whatever pledge he and his wife say they can handle for tuition etc I can count on. If they say it, they'll do it. Crossing fingers. Honestly, if he goes 18 years total without really paying me support, I believe he should fully fund her education. that's my opinion. Its cheaper than what he got away with not paying over the years. No way that will happen, but it would be nice if he'd at least cover all tuition and books and fees, leaving only cost of living. I have considered online school and doing it class by class for cost purposes. I just don't know that I'd stick with it the same doing it online. I enjoy the classroom environment, the debates, conversations, contacts made, etc. I learn well reading, but I learn best in a classroom environment. Sadly, I'm a perfectionist about school. I worked my butt off when difficult child was a baby. I just "had" to have that 4.0 even though I was working doing research for my advisor, working tutoring upwards of 10 students per semester, and caring alone for difficult child. Its the only thing I am a perfectionist about. I could for sure complete courses online, but I doubt my efforts would be the same as in class, and I know my frustration with myself would make it not enjoyable. I need the in person interaction I suppose. If I could get past that need to excel, that need to enjoy the experience, I could suck it up and just get the degree. I've just waited so long and I want what I want if that makes sense?? difficult child will be going full time. He's not a school person (at all!). I'm just thrilled he's motivated at all to attend school beyond high school. Just a couple years ago, I doubted he'd finish high school (so did he lol). We've talked about full time vs. part time and he is determined to go full time. I don't blame him. He wants to get it done (he sees it as a chore) so he can leave school behind and start working. And I want to see him obtain that degree. He has come so far! And that he wants to attend in spite of loathing school? I really want him focused on just that education. I don't even want him working during school (summers being exception). If he feels overwhelmed, he likely won't complete his program. I'm just proud he wants to go. And I want to give him that opportunity to succeed. We have already agreed he must take out loans for living expenses since he wont' be working. I can't afford to do that. But i have committed to paying his tuition, books etc. I have also committed to helping him keep this apartment. He'll be ready to begin his university program right after S/O, easy child and I will be relocating. he loves where we live right now. So I've committed to helping him furnish the apartment for himself, and to help him find a trustworthy roommate to share expenses. Keeping this place with a roommate will be cheaper than renting in residence or taking a grimy tiny bachelor or one bedroom. I also know the neighbours will be good to him when he's living here on his own. I feel better knowing that his first time on his own he's somewhere familiar with good people, good landlord. So I've got 2 years to save that first year tuition, fees, plus furnish this place for difficult child. He is getting a summer job the next 2 summers and other than a small amount of his pay, he's handing over the rest to me to contribute to costs. (I'm impressed, it was his idea) Anyhow, I'm babbling, typing thoughts out loud. I still can't see, even with difficult child helping how he can, being able to afford classes. I guess if I can get over the online learning thing, I could slowly creep towards something one class at a time. I just have a sinking feeling about doing it that way. I want to enjoy what I'm doing, ya know? Maybe I'm just being greedy and selfish. [/QUOTE]
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Having a bit of a jealous issue - and nightmares :(
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