Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Having a hard time - need support
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 639735" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I have spent my lifetime watching "normal" families interact, and decided at a fairly early age that I was glad I had only to deal with a few family members as my DNA tree is small. The incredible sibling rivalry and backbiting that goes on in so many "families" just boggles my mind. And we are taught to love our DNA connections, no matter how badly they treat us. It is sort of hard to get that mindset out of your head, but I will offer my own perspective.</p><p></p><p>DNA does not mean love. In fact, since you adopted JT, and love him in spite of himself, you already know t hat DNA is not necessary for love. The other way around applies as well, although it is beaten into our heads that we have to be nice to our DNA family.</p><p></p><p>This bothers you so much because it seems as if you have been trodden on, that your wishes (which I'm assuming everyone knows) were not taken into consideration when JT was invited and now that his girlfriend is also coming. It hurts because perhaps you feel your family is taking his side when he has been so vile to you. I would not feel good about it either. I think most of us get it.</p><p></p><p>I'm going to offer a suggestion that you don't have to even consider, but we have done it. It is your mother's table...she can invite who she likes...but you can decide to take a different path, not out of anger, but out of self-preservation and to avoid drama and more heartache. I will offer one example; there are dozens of them.</p><p></p><p>When we got sick and tired of the backstabbing of even our small little DLNA collection, my husband and I decided to only have the holidays with those people who truly love and respect one another...no drama holidays. On certain years, we went to visit my dauthter, who is out of town, on a different weekend rather than on the holiday and then have a Thanksgiving of four of the rest of us on the actual holiday. For the most part, we have had peaceful, happy holidays. It may be a tradition for many people to visit the family, but it is also a torturous event for many people or it is usually good, but one bad apple experience like this one makes you want to stay away. If that's how you feel, and I don't know if you do, you can have a quiet Thanksgiving without your sister or son and his squeeze. Nobody controls you, unless you allow it to be the case.</p><p></p><p>Your sister and JT are playing games with you, and both know it. How you want to deal with it...stay home and avoid drama, hold your head up and go and don't show your hurt, have it out with her...that is your decision. I have learned that for me choosing peace is the best route. Maybe that is not your most comfortable choice. We are all different. You do what you feel is right and do not let Sis boss you around. She is only "in charge" if everyone allows her to be in charge. You are free to have Thanksgiving at your own home with your other kids or just the two of you and pass on the drama and, trust me, it will be better than you ever dreamed. However, you can do whatever you like as well.</p><p></p><p><em><strong>You are in charge of you. Nobody else is.</strong></em></p><p></p><p>Hugs a nd I also hope you figure out your best option and have a wonderful Thanksgiving!! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 639735, member: 1550"] I have spent my lifetime watching "normal" families interact, and decided at a fairly early age that I was glad I had only to deal with a few family members as my DNA tree is small. The incredible sibling rivalry and backbiting that goes on in so many "families" just boggles my mind. And we are taught to love our DNA connections, no matter how badly they treat us. It is sort of hard to get that mindset out of your head, but I will offer my own perspective. DNA does not mean love. In fact, since you adopted JT, and love him in spite of himself, you already know t hat DNA is not necessary for love. The other way around applies as well, although it is beaten into our heads that we have to be nice to our DNA family. This bothers you so much because it seems as if you have been trodden on, that your wishes (which I'm assuming everyone knows) were not taken into consideration when JT was invited and now that his girlfriend is also coming. It hurts because perhaps you feel your family is taking his side when he has been so vile to you. I would not feel good about it either. I think most of us get it. I'm going to offer a suggestion that you don't have to even consider, but we have done it. It is your mother's table...she can invite who she likes...but you can decide to take a different path, not out of anger, but out of self-preservation and to avoid drama and more heartache. I will offer one example; there are dozens of them. When we got sick and tired of the backstabbing of even our small little DLNA collection, my husband and I decided to only have the holidays with those people who truly love and respect one another...no drama holidays. On certain years, we went to visit my dauthter, who is out of town, on a different weekend rather than on the holiday and then have a Thanksgiving of four of the rest of us on the actual holiday. For the most part, we have had peaceful, happy holidays. It may be a tradition for many people to visit the family, but it is also a torturous event for many people or it is usually good, but one bad apple experience like this one makes you want to stay away. If that's how you feel, and I don't know if you do, you can have a quiet Thanksgiving without your sister or son and his squeeze. Nobody controls you, unless you allow it to be the case. Your sister and JT are playing games with you, and both know it. How you want to deal with it...stay home and avoid drama, hold your head up and go and don't show your hurt, have it out with her...that is your decision. I have learned that for me choosing peace is the best route. Maybe that is not your most comfortable choice. We are all different. You do what you feel is right and do not let Sis boss you around. She is only "in charge" if everyone allows her to be in charge. You are free to have Thanksgiving at your own home with your other kids or just the two of you and pass on the drama and, trust me, it will be better than you ever dreamed. However, you can do whatever you like as well. [I][B]You are in charge of you. Nobody else is.[/B][/I] Hugs a nd I also hope you figure out your best option and have a wonderful Thanksgiving!! :) [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Having a hard time - need support
Top