It's JT'S 21st birthday today. We have very little contact these days, but I called him and sent a card with a pizza gift card. Anyway, Thanksgiving is coming up, and my mom and dad host. We celebrate a bunch of November birthdays, including JT's. Hubby and I are finding the thought of being around JT at this gathering to be quite difficult and unpleasant. He brags about himself, loves attention, and will relish in showing up as redneck as possible, against our wishes that he show respect in his appearance and actions. After everything that's happened, we feel very emotionally depleted. Hubby wishes JT wouldn't come. But we're trying to take the higher ground, and my parents invited him. Apparently, JT called or texted my sister to ask HER if he can bring his girlfriend along. JT told me this today, and I said he really should have contacted either us or his grandparents. I asked why he contacted my sister, and he said it was because she always seems to be in charge of everything. Right! He wanted somebody to say yes, that's why. And apparently, she did. Why does it bother me SO much? I wish this didn't upset me, but I'm hurt and angry too. What right does my sister have to make that call? Why didn't she tell JT to call us or his grandparents? He's a manipulator and got exactly what he wanted. Plus I'm upset to boot, which probably makes him even more smug. He knows exactly what he's doing. As an adoptive mom, I've always wanted to be the best mom possible for JT. He exploits that, and gets his jollies out of this kind of thing and telling me hes going to have to move in with his birthmom if I don't help him in some way. My sister never mentioned this conversation with JT to me, and I have spoken to her plenty. She thinks she is so much more popular than me, and how cool is it that her nephew is contacting her instead of his parents and grandparents? Wow! She really is special. This is the same sister who leaves me out of things regularly and then tells me what a great time she had with some friend or whatever. She also doesn't share information with me, leaving me in the dark, as if I'm not important enough to tell. I've spent so much of my life trying to get her to like me, and she knows I want a good relationship, but she must step on me. I'm very fortunate to have good brains, a successful career, and great marriage. I've always felt she resented me for my academic/career success as well as my fitness. No matter how hard I try, I can't overcome these jealousies she has. I have given far more than I receive from her, and I bite my tongue regularly. My sister knows that we have been struggling with JT these past two years. I am just hurt by her overstepping boundaries in this situation. She has also made sure to tell my parents all the stupid, negative stuff JT posts on Facebook. My parents and we are not on Facebook. This whole situation is hard enough without my sister playing into this with JT. I was looking forward to our annual after Thanksgiving shopping day (Mom, sis, and me) but JT is ruining that too. Or maybe I am. Maybe I'm overreacting. I can't see things clearly through these tears.