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Having a hard time - need support
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<blockquote data-quote="Stress Bunny" data-source="post: 639739" data-attributes="member: 4855"><p>Guide me - Thank you for your perspective. It helps to know I'm not alone with the family dynamics. My sister, as much as I do not want it to be so, seems to take some kind of perverse delight in our misfortunes with JT. She considers herself a "cool mom" and me, well, not cool. We were too strict, she thinks, and now JT is rebelling because of it. Never mind the fact that he was like this from day 1. To add to the drama, my cousin works at the same place as JT, and when she saw what JT posted on Facebook about his boss, she texted, you guessed it, my sister, to tell her to tell JT not to post such things! Really? I guess my sister is JT'S mom now. We'll good luck to her. If just telling him not to do something actually worked, it would have worked already, for heavens sake.</p><p></p><p>Tanya, you're right about being thankful. I am doing a better job of that lately. Disengaging is so important. I admit that I feel a little trapped in this situation, with nowhere to go to escape. I'm dreading the whole thing, and we're it not for our younger son, I'd want to opt out.</p><p></p><p>Recovering, you are so wise and so right about the childhood roles. My childhood role was to be a perfect overachiever; the best at everything; a rule follower and people pleaser. This caused me to become anxious and depressed over time, and despite my achievements, to develop deep insecurities and a tremendous fear of failure. My sister wasn't pressured the way I was, but she probably couldn't live up to it all either. Just a year apart, and just the two of us, we grew up like twins. I would trade anything for a great relationship with my sister. I always wanted to be close. She has a cousin of her husband's that has taken on the role of a sister with her. It's strange, and sometimes I feel like my sister would like it if I just disappeared. In any case, she is no doubt quite smitten that our son is troubled while hers turned out okay. The truth is that I feel very alone and isolated. I don't feel good about myself a lot of the time, so you're right I need to work on this.</p><p></p><p>MWM, I know you really get this whole situation. Your DNA comments got me thinking a lot. My constant struggle to gain my sister's approval has probably kept me from establishing other friendships over the years. Making new friends at my age is proving difficult. My hubby has brought up doing something different for Thanksgiving, but we know it would hurt our parents' feelings, and our younger son loves to go. Now I'm thinking along the lines of an easy exit or having something else fun scheduled just for us that weekend. So glad you have found some peace separately from your DNA collection. Also hope all goes well with your medical procedure.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Stress Bunny, post: 639739, member: 4855"] Guide me - Thank you for your perspective. It helps to know I'm not alone with the family dynamics. My sister, as much as I do not want it to be so, seems to take some kind of perverse delight in our misfortunes with JT. She considers herself a "cool mom" and me, well, not cool. We were too strict, she thinks, and now JT is rebelling because of it. Never mind the fact that he was like this from day 1. To add to the drama, my cousin works at the same place as JT, and when she saw what JT posted on Facebook about his boss, she texted, you guessed it, my sister, to tell her to tell JT not to post such things! Really? I guess my sister is JT'S mom now. We'll good luck to her. If just telling him not to do something actually worked, it would have worked already, for heavens sake. Tanya, you're right about being thankful. I am doing a better job of that lately. Disengaging is so important. I admit that I feel a little trapped in this situation, with nowhere to go to escape. I'm dreading the whole thing, and we're it not for our younger son, I'd want to opt out. Recovering, you are so wise and so right about the childhood roles. My childhood role was to be a perfect overachiever; the best at everything; a rule follower and people pleaser. This caused me to become anxious and depressed over time, and despite my achievements, to develop deep insecurities and a tremendous fear of failure. My sister wasn't pressured the way I was, but she probably couldn't live up to it all either. Just a year apart, and just the two of us, we grew up like twins. I would trade anything for a great relationship with my sister. I always wanted to be close. She has a cousin of her husband's that has taken on the role of a sister with her. It's strange, and sometimes I feel like my sister would like it if I just disappeared. In any case, she is no doubt quite smitten that our son is troubled while hers turned out okay. The truth is that I feel very alone and isolated. I don't feel good about myself a lot of the time, so you're right I need to work on this. MWM, I know you really get this whole situation. Your DNA comments got me thinking a lot. My constant struggle to gain my sister's approval has probably kept me from establishing other friendships over the years. Making new friends at my age is proving difficult. My hubby has brought up doing something different for Thanksgiving, but we know it would hurt our parents' feelings, and our younger son loves to go. Now I'm thinking along the lines of an easy exit or having something else fun scheduled just for us that weekend. So glad you have found some peace separately from your DNA collection. Also hope all goes well with your medical procedure. [/QUOTE]
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